Gerard way one shots

Oneshot #75

Tw: substance abuse, self harm, suicide attempt

I had known Gerard for as long as I could remember. Our mothers were close, hence our tight relationship. Gerard and I basically had done everything together.
Soccer as kids, did it with Gerard. Guitar lessons, did it with Gerard. Vocal lessons, did it with Gerard.
We did preschool and kindergarten together Before Donna and Donald decided to move away, as the birth of their second son quickly approached. The area was dangerous, and they didn't want that risk anymore. This never swayed Gerard and I. Every Friday, he would sleep over at my house, and stay practically the whole weekend.

When Gerard and I learned how to ride bikes, we started riding to each other's houses after school and constantly called each other on the land line. Every day we couldn't spend time together, we would talk for hours.

As we grew up, we made more friends. Gerard and I stopped hanging out everyday, but still often. I considered him my best friend, and he the same.

Soon, middle school came around. Gerard and I were absolutely ecstatic to go to the same school again. That meant he could come over every day, and we could do homework together, and he could meet my friends and I could meet his.
These dreams were shattered, almost instantly.
In school, we hardly ever talked.
He didn't like my friends. They were 'preps'. I didn't like his, they were 'burnouts'. We were adamant about this, but it didn't haze our friendship. Nothing hazed our friendship. He still came over every day, and we still were best friends.

Things started getting bad in eighth grade. Gerard began to submit to peer pressure and was going out to get high with his friends more often, leaving me alone. I began to get very depressed, and started to lose friends. They were upset I wasn't happy anymore, and they thought that it was my fault. They told me to fix it, I told them I didn't know how, and they told me to come find them when I was better. I understood what Gerard hated about them now. But I never got better, only worse. Gerard hardly hung out with me anymore. He would come home with me on Mondays Tuesdays and Friday's, as ever other day he was smoking with his friends behind the bleachers after school. When he did hang out, it was never for very long. We did our homework and he biked home, not even with Me for an hour.

I progressively began to get more suicidal and careless. I, out of bad intentions, integrated myself into Gerard's group, and began getting stoned with them to please my self destructive tendencies. Sure, it meant I got to hang out with Gerard again, but it wasn't for The right reasons. I was getting higher then Gerard most days. Quickly, I realized these guys were only smoking Be to be cool, and none of them could really handle, or enjoyed getting high. I still mooched off them for marijuana, but I started getting into harder things with a more reckless aditude. Gerard didn't know about this, of course. Not that he would care, anyways.

One night, I was with my dealer and his friends. I had done more lines then I'd like to admit, and I was on one hell of a trip.
Which is why I didn't believe it when Gerard showed up.
"Yo, what the fuck? I'm having hallucinations now, guys!" I said, smiling up to Gerard. "Ah, shit, this is the best high ever." I leaned back and closed my eyes, letting out a euphoric moan.
"Y/n? What did you take?" Gerard Leaned down, terrified.
"Shit tonne 'a Coke." I smiled. Gerard's eyes went wide.
"What? Brian?" He stood up, addressing my dealer. Brian shrugged.
"Giving her what she paid for." He said.
"I'll skip my Pot this week." Gerard said, picking me up.
"Whoa! I'm flying, gee!" I giggled and kicked my feet out.

Gerard brought me home, tossing me harshly onto my couch. Thank god my parents weren't home, and my brother was outside.
"You fucking idiot! Cocaine y/n? Cocaine!" He screamed.
"Fuck off, Gerard. It's only because you and your dumb ass friends are to afraid to actually do anything. If you idiots Haden't been so afraid of smoking so you were actually high, I probably wouldn't have tried to get actually high." I explained.
"You have to stop, right now. I'm flushing all your Coke down the toilet." Gerard demanded.
"Uhm, no, you aren't. Who are you? My dad? You can't fucking tell me what to do, Gerard." I stood up and challenged him.
"I care about you, okay? I don't want you fucking overdosing and dying, okay? Now, for the love of God, Y/n, flush it." He sighed and argued back.
"You care about me? If you fuckin' care 'bout me so much, how come you haven't noticed this," I said, ripping up my sleeve, exposing all my layered scars and fresh cuts. "How come you haven't noticed this." I said gesturing myself, referring to the drugs. "Get the fuck out, Gerard. I don't need your fake concern anymore." I yelled and crossed my arms, Watching him step back, hurt.
Feel the pain, cunt.
" I," he tied to talk to me and I shook my head, pointing to the door. He walked out, slamming it shut.

Gerard tried to call me. He left long voicemails about how sorry he was and how much he loved me. He said he stopped hanging out with his burnout friends and was completely clean and sober, and I should too. It was enough to get me off the drugs. The cold turkey was the worst though, and I had to handle it by self harming even more then I already was. Soon, his messages became angry, yelling at me for leaving everything we had because I wanted to get high. He yelled at me for being stupid and selfish. It only made things worse.

Which is why I was so hesitant to call him when I sat on my bed, the bottle of my meds poured out into my hand. I took a deep breath in and called his number, hearing it ring. I began to bawl, realizing he wasn't going to pick up. I'd fucked everything up. I lost the only person who ever truly loved me, because I was all The things he said. I was selfish and stupid. I didn't deserve to be alive. If I was dead, I couldn't hurt anybody anymore. I threw my phone down on the bed and looked at the pills in my hand, tipping them all into my mouth at once.

~

Gerard didn't want to ever see her again. He never wanted to see her dumb fucking face, he never wanted to hear her dumb fucking voice. But he was so weak to her. She was probably the one thing he would give up everything for, and he fucking blew it. She hated him, and he was pissed.

Which is why he didn't pick up when she called. He ignored it, stuffing his phone under the couch cushion. But when he heard the muffled cries from the phones speaker, his hatred disappeared. He listened to the live voice mail, Her bawling quietly while the rattle of a pill bottle was heard in the background. He immediately held up the phone to his ear, frantically saying her name.

~

"Y/n, please, baby, tell me you're okay, y/n talk to me, please," Gerard's worried voice rang out from the phone.
"G-Gerard," I said softly, chocking on sobs.
"Where are you? Are you okay? Please don't tell me your high," he rushed out.
"H-Home, not high." I whispered.
"I'm coming over, okay? Hang on baby, hang on."

~

Gerard rushed out of the house, sprinting to her's. Jersey on a Friday night was very dangerous, especially when you're on foot. Gerard managed to avoid trouble as he ran full power to her house. Gerard pushed open the door and ran upstairs, Kicking y/n's door open. Her vision scanned up him slowly as she wiped violently at her eyes. Gerard looked around the room, seeing an empty pill bottle, a bloodied razor blade, and a towel covered in blood. Gerard began to cry as he crawled over to her, pulling her into the tightest hug he had ever given. Thy both silently cried into each others shoulders, grasping frantically at their clothes and running fingers through hair.

~

"Where are the pills?" Gerard looked around, whispering once he calmed down. "No, baby, you have to throw them up." Gerard attempted to pull my mouth open.
"No, I want this. It better if I'm gone, I can't hurt you, Gee. You can be happy again." I brushed his hair away from his face.
"I don't know what it's like to feel happy when I'm not around you. Baby, please, throw them up, please," Gerard started to cry again.
"Gee, no, don't cry anymore." I started to tear up again. Gerard lunged on me, forcefully shoving his hand down my throat. He hit my gag reflex and got off me just as I rolled over to throw up on the floor. He climbed around to my side, holding my hair and hugging me against him. It took a couple times, but I had finally hacked up all the pills. Gerard turned me around and pulling into another hug, one in which I couldn't help but mould into.
"I love you. I'm so fucking sorry for being awful." Gerard whispered, shaking his head.
"I love you too. And I'm sorry for being so stupid." I replied. He nodded and hugged me tighter still, angling his fingers in my hair.
"I promise that I won't ever leave you alone again, okay?" Gerard told me, pulling me into his lap. I nodded and hugged him again.