Man - y.kh

twenty.

It'd been a few weeks since everything went down. Hyungwon was constantly watching me and Jooheon. He didn't have a chance to breathe even. As for me, even though I was with Hyungwon and I loved him dearly, he fucked me up by bringing Changkyun back into my life. Ever since he came back, the sex drive I had when we were fucking around returned. I wasn't ready to go there with Hyungwon, even though I tried. And I was afraid of comparing them. I was so fucked up in so many ways...

After dinner and after Jooheon had gone to bed, I began to do the dishes. Hyungwon wrapped his arms around me coming up from behind. "I've been thinking, Kihyun... A lot." I nodded, scrubbing the skillet I cooked with down. "Would you really give me a kid? I just assumed you were upset and angry. But... Would you?"

I turned around, looking at him. "Well, yeah. I would. We're high schoolers still though, and I can't live like this much longer. I need the T, Hyungwon. And the surgeries. I can't stay like this. When were you thinking?" I asked.

He shrugged. "That's up to you. But, if you did, you wouldn't back out, would you?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "Like... You wouldn't terminate, would you?" All I could do was blink.

I shook my head. "I don't think I would... I think this time was just triggered by knowing it was Abraham's." I doubted I would be able to abort, even through the strong dysphoric times.

Hyungwon was quiet for a bit. "Then let's get started."

Goosebumps raised over my skin. "What? Hyungwon, I don't have a job. We're still high schoolers, we aren't mentally stable. And don't deny that... Right now?" I asked.

"Yes," he smiled. "I mean right fucking now. When you told me..." Hyungwon pulled away from me for a little. "I always wanted to hear those words. And a fire ignited. I felt it in my soul. I know that when my father heard those words, he was devastated. When I heard those words, I felt joy? And then reality set in. And I don't want to push you into this. But I love you so much Kihyun. The way you take care of Jooheon is amazing. I know you'll be an amazing parent." I didn't know how to feel about this.

Hyungwon held my hand and then I heard Jooheon whimpering. "We can talk about this later. You want me to go?" I asked.

He looked up slightly. "Eh, I probably should. He shouldn't be like this right after dinner." With that, he left the kitchen.

I quickly grabbed my phone, texting Changkyun.

Me:
He wants a baby. And it sounds like he wants it soon.

I didn't know what to do or how to feel about it. We were moving too fast, but at the same time, it seemed like we didn't have time to last. I could only see the negatives. He was going to leave me somehow. That's how it works. It was one of the only logical ways that he'd even consider and mention kids right now. We've only been dating for a month, it's too soon for that.

My phone buzzed on the counter next to me.

Kyunnie:
Well, what do you want to do?

Kyunnie:
Do you feel like he's pressuring you?

Me:
No, but I don't know what I want to do.

Me:
I've always wanted kids. But I'm not sure I ever wanted to carry it. I'm scared of what I'll feel. You actually made me think more about it.

Kyunnie:
I'm sorry if I scared you. But could you handle this? Could you go through 9 months, feeling more than a woman than you ever have? I don't want you to do this and then regret your life later. I know you love Hyungwon, but he is not the damn Sun and you don't fucking revolve around him.