Man - y.kh

sixty-one.

"I honestly needed him to see how I lived." Hyungwon admitted, looking around at everyone. "I'm a full time fucking job and no one gets paid to deal with me. And I know I'm affecting everyone. I want to get better and I felt like he needed to see it."

I hated how he thought about himself. But I couldn't do much to help him see otherwise. I mean, that's why we were in therapy right? "After seeing it, I completely understand just how much my actions changed life for you guys. And I truly do regret it. You don't understand just how much I regret it. And I can't show it to you." Hyungwon froze up for a second before scoffing and walking out.

I furrowed my eyebrows as Wonho followed him. I knew that would not be good in the slightest. "Shownu, I got them." Shownu had been watching him more and more. Jae kept throwing himself into work.

I watched as they ran downstairs and headed outside. "Quit following me!" Hyungwon yelled.

Wonho reached to grab his arm. "Hyungwon, look at me!"

He swung around quickly, pulling his left hand away from Wonho and smacking the shit out of him with his right. "And don't fucking touch me, you son of a fucking bitch!" I groaned slightly, running down the stairs as they made their way outside.

"Listen to me! I am so fucking sorry! You don't get it, you don't know how sorry I am and I can't even begin to show you." I got why Hyungwon was mad. At least, I thought so.

Hyungwon folded his arms. "Bitch, you won't even try." There it was. "You say you're so sorry, you sit around here and cry like you're a victim. Like it's unfair that you don't get a chance. You cry at that? Have I got a fucking surprise for you."

I shook my head as I walked up to them. "Hyungwon, just come back inside." I didn't want him to say anything he'd come to regret.

"No," he snapped. "Fuck this little bitch. This broke down, mentally fucked, emotionally stunted little bitch! I'm through with being as nice as I can possibly be to the motherfucker that ruined my life." And then it came. "I wish you were dead. Every single fucking day, I hope someone walks into my goddamn house and says you're fucking dead. If I could kill you my goddamn self, I would. I can apparently choke the fuck out of my boyfriend because of you. But I can't just reach my fist so far down your fucking throat that I'm able to rip your goddamn esophagus out of your fucking mouth? I killed men for what they did to people. I have killed. But I can't just fucking kill you? I can't bring myself to grab a gun and shoot you right between your fucking eyes?" I tried to grab Hyungwon's hand but he was not having it. "You wanna make this shit up to me?" Wonho hesitated before he nodded. "Do me a goddamn favor then." Hyungwon got in his face, becoming the big, intimidating man he used to be. "I want to send you on a one way trip to fucking hell. Do it for me. Do my dirty work. I want you fucking dead. And I want you to get the fuck out of my life. That's how you can make it up to me. Because there is no true way to make it up to me. I wish death on you before I wish the torture you put me through on you. I'm actually being pretty goddamn merciful." He backed away before looking up to the sky. "Please, God. If you can hear me? Please give him a fucking seizure and let his bitch ass hit his head on the way down."

I glared at Hyungwon. "Enough!" I yelled. "Hyungwon, that is someone's fucking son. Maybe they aren't proud of him, or accept what he's done, but that is someone's fucking kid." Hyungwon took a deep breath. I could see a small hint of remorse in his eyes, but I knew he'd never let it come out. "What if Benji grows up, makes a mistake or a series of them, and someone tells him to kill himself? You'd raise hell wouldn't you? Even if you haven't seen him, you'd kill someone over even suggesting it. Don't put that on him. Don't put that on Jaesung. Hell, don't put that on me." I turned around to look at Wonho.