Man - y.kh

seventy-five.

Was this how Hyungwon felt when he was in the hospital after the bridge? Because I couldn't do anything but be stuck in my own mind. I was just minding my business when Changkyun let himself in. It broke my daily routine and I couldn't think. So when he asked me where Kihyun was, even if I gave him the address, I didn't have any way to say it. "That's right, you autistic piece of shit," he scoffed. "You don't fucking know anything until someone beats the shit out of you."

That wasn't the only thing keeping me from speaking. One of his favorite things to do was threaten to hurt me if I ever made a sound, ever told anyone. And so, I never did. Not even when he was telling me to speak. In an instant, I found myself pinned against a wall. "Where is Kihyun? Huh? Where's Hyungwon?" He punched me, my head hitting the wall. The only thing I could do was scream, praying someone heard me. "I swear I'll fucking kill you, where are they?" Punches to the stomach, repeatedly. He let me go, dropping me, seeing if I could stand by myself. When I could, he knew he hadn't beat me up enough. "Where the fuck is he?" Changkyun screamed, pinning me to the wall again. "You're gonna fucking tell me one way or another." That's when I noticed Kihyun and Minhyuk come in. But that's the last thing I noticed.

I heard a door slam on my hospital floor and I jumped, hiding behind my covers. It sounded just like a gunshot. My heart rate jumped, sounding an alarm for my nurses. "Jooheon," Minhyuk walked in, taking over before a nurse could come in. "Shh, come on kid. It's okay. That was just a door." I shook my head, starting to cry. I didn't talk much anymore, much like when I was younger. Except, I couldn't even say my word. No voice would come out. Minhyuk noticed my mouth moving, but nothing happening. "Peach?" He asked. I nodded softly.

This was the closest we'd ever been. Before, he never accepted my mental health, never accepted my disability. The same way a parent doesn't accept a sexuality? Like it'll go away just because someone doesn't accept it? I guess, I don't know. But he's been here with me every day for a week. That was concerning to me.

When I laid down for a so-called nap, Minhyuk got on the phone. I wasn't asleep yet, so I was just listening. "Hey baby," he sighed. "How's it going?" He was talking to Bora.

He must've been hard of hearing, he had his call volume up so loud that I could hear her crying. "I'm terrified. I didn't know there were twins, and now that I do know, I don't know how I feel." My heart hurt for her.

"I'm just waiting for Hyungwon before I switch off and head that way okay?" Everything fell silent for a bit. "Baby, I love you." Nothing. "Can you say it back?"

It was quiet for a little longer before Bora spoke up again. "No." That's when I shifted a little bit. "I do, but I can't... I need to focus on this." That sounded like a pause.

Minhyuk sighed again, holding back his tears. "Bora, what do you mean?"

I heard a knock on the door and I jumped, probably bringing attention to me being awake. "I mean, I can't do us right now. I just want to focus on keeping this second baby. I can't be worried about you running off and leaving me behind if you're not around to begin with." And then I sat up.

Minhyuk hung up, hanging his head. "Just give her some time," Hyungwon said, rubbing his back. He shook his head, looking back up.

"Is it me?" He asked. "Am I just... I try to be a good man, the man everyone thought I could be... and it's still not good enough?" His words hit a different way.

He had made some remarkable progress within himself. Minhyuk went from being someone I feared to being someone I could go to for comfort. He learned. "She's hurting," Hyungwon sighed.

Minhyuk snapped, causing me to freeze up again. "I'm hurting too! This isn't just her baby's life at stake. This is mine too! She lost one of our kids. She could lose the other. It's not just her baby." I started shaking my head, splitting away from the situation.

"Joo," Hyungwon sat down next to me. I just kept shaking. "Do you want to hear Kihyun?" He asked. I kept shaking my head, but tapped his hand twice for a yes. He pulled out his phone as he held me tightly. "He needs you, go ahead and talk."

I'm not sure when the tears started, but they were there. "Hey kiddo, what's going through your head? Can you tell me?" I missed him.

I tried to speak as well as I could. "Shot." I knew that made him feel bad, but I didn't want it to though. "Wall." I hope he could tell I meant Changkyun pinning me to the wall. "Punch." I couldn't make anything else out.

"I need you to breathe for me," Kihyun sighed. "I'll be able to come see you soon, okay? I know this is hard for you and I know you probably need me to calm you down like I used to, but I can't. So I need you to try to feel better by yourself. Can you do that?"

I shook my head, not like it stopped... but sincerely this time. It was harder than the other shakes, so Minhyuk was able to tell. "He's saying no, Kihyun." Slowly, everything stopped. It took a while but I calmed down enough to actually take a nap.

I woke up about two hours later listening to Minhyuk and Hyungwon talking. "Changkyun was a good case. I don't think Kihyun will be able to fight off at least a few years. Considering Changkyun was also wrong, I can't see Kihyun getting more than five or six years."

Minhyuk sighed. "That makes Benji eight or nine. He's gotten really attached to Kihyun, that'll kill him. There's gotta be a way to get Kihyun less time." I turned on my back, waking up completely.

Kihyun was in trouble, and in a perfect world, or a made up fan fiction world... what I had to say would be enough blackmail to get Changkyun to drop any charges he was considering. As much as I didn't want to speak, I needed to. "Changkyun's a fucking rapist." Letting that sentence come out triggered anger. Not from Minhyuk or Hyungwon. Anger from me.

Hyungwon's learned to have a cooler head these days, it seemed like. Instead of popping off like he normally did, he sat up, paying attention to me. "Slow down, Joo. What happened? What happened, who did it happen to, how long did it happen?"

I started to slow my breathing so I could get through everything without freaking out. "You were friends with him from the moment you started that gas station job. What, that's been a few years? At least two?" Hyungwon nodded, coming to sit next to me so that I could have his full attention. "You guys would get high. You'd drink. While you were passed out, he would do things." I sighed, biting my lip. "When I get stressed, you already know, I can't tell you I'm stressed. The palilalia sets in. I learned the actual word, I called it echolalia for the longest. But I can't get anything else out other than "peach", or louder than some mumbles. And he knew that, so he didn't ever worry about anyone finding out. But what kills me is how no one noticed some things. I would be outside, sitting on the grass. I would know I had grass stains. I've gotten better with changing my clothes, I know how to handle it. Yet, I'm sure that fucker just did a quick google search and assumed I was a part of the population that struggled with changing. He'd point out the grass or dirt and try to wipe it off. Then told me he had a good method to keep the stains from settling." Minhyuk held his head down, almost in disbelief.

Hyungwon was speechless. "Oh my God," he mumbled.

"The mistake that everyone's been making? Akira, you guys? You guys trust this motherfucker." I couldn't explain the anger I felt. And it was directed at no one but myself and him. Changkyun for all the obvious reasons, myself for not speaking up until now. "You all trusted him. He fucking takes from people, because he never had. So he takes what he wants. I don't even want to talk about it, you get it at this point. He's a rapist, fuck him, I hope he dies a slow, painful, miserable death. I'm on the fucking autistic disorder spectrum and he did that to me. Doesn't that make you wonder if beating Benji is all he did?"

I hated to put that doubt in someone's mind but at this point, there's nothing we put past him. Everyone wants to see the good in someone but he makes it so goddamn hard. All I knew was that Hyungwon had a better heart than I did. He forgave Minhyuk, he forgave Wonho. I'll never fucking forgive Changkyun. Fuck him.