Man - y.kh

forty-seven.

"Kihyun... tell me what to do." Jaesung cried in the waiting room. "I don't know how to help him." Wonho needed surgery to fix something he drove to East Hell and back from his drug binges. Jaesung was nowhere near okay and I wondered if he was just as much of a mess when we got hit. But I knew what he meant. He needed help learning how to take care of a suicidal, wayward son. I honestly knew almost nothing about it. But he knows how much I really do know, from a kid's perspective.

I sighed softly, laying my head on his shoulder. Minhyuk and Jooheon were sitting across from us. Hyungwon needed surgery for another reason. Fucking interns left a goddamn scalpel out. I'd gone to the cafeteria just to bring us back a couple of sandwiches and I came back to him being hysterical. I'd left Jooheon with his mom in the cafeteria, I guess part of me knew that he didn't need to be there. I couldn't help but want to sincerely hurt Wonho for what he'd done to Hyungwon. He was not the same in any way at all and he would never be the same. He made him truly believe being dead was better than even being near him. I couldn't fucking care about him right now, the hatred I had for him came back. I knew my mother wasn't a good woman, I knew she didn't really love me or want me, I knew I was a mistake she'd regretted. I didn't drag Changkyun around town and convince him to take his life with me. The whole point of suicide is to end your pain and take yourself away from everyone that you've been convinced that you do nothing for. That is the entire point of suicide. It's not a Romeo and Juliet love story. You may want to kill yourself but you never want anyone else to go with you. That's just not what you want.

Despite all of that, Wonho was still Jaesung's son and I was still his brother to a certain extent, but he was no brother of mine. Not even fucking blood, so why should I care? I didn't want him to die in surgery. I just wasn't going to be civil. Hyungwon was broken now because of him and I wasn't going to have mercy on that. "You watch him," I said. "You watch him closely and you'll learn to notice. Over the years, how have you known him to be?"

Jaesung sniffled a bit. "When I adopted him, he was so loving and caring. He loved everyone around him, despite all the pain he'd gone through. A complete sweetheart. I don't know what changed, I don't know what resurfaced. But my kid just disappeared on me and I don't know when, why or how." I planned to ask him when he woke up from his surgery. His surgery ended first. I told Jaesung to stay in the family room on our floor. Minhyuk told me he'd let me know when Hyungwon was ready. So, I waited for Wonho to wake up.

About 40 minutes later, Wonho was stirring. I didn't wait. "From 12 to now, what happened to you? Other than finding your parents, other than Shownu being closeted, what happened to you?" I asked. If something sexually abusive happened to him outside of what he'd told me, I would still fight for him in that way. But I wouldn't let it excuse what he did. He whined, not listening to me. "You need to fucking talk to me because your father is out there crying over your dumb ass, wondering where he failed you, wondering what he did wrong and if there's nothing he's done wrong, then you need to let him know. You need to tell someone what's going on with you. Who hurt you, why are you like this? You have always been an abusive asshole to me, but Jae told me nothing but good things about you. So before I call a nurse in here to do a check-up on you, you're going to fucking talk to me and tell me what the fuck happened to you that glitched your fucking system." Even after that speech, he was silent for a little while longer.

"So much shit," he started. "That I don't feel like talking about."

I scoffed, walking away from him. "Because of all the cocaine you enjoyed, you needed a fucking pacemaker. And your father is worried that he's gonna lose your forever. You need to fucking tell someone what happened to you so you can get help, Wonho. Something destroyed you. And it's not just finding your parents." I walked out of the room, heading to the family room. As I found Jae to tell him that Wonho was awake, Minhyuk texted me. Hyungwon was out of surgery and he was in an ICU room. They decided they were going to keep him there instead if with Wonho because he had to be monitored and it would've been easier to control.