THE BOOK OF BANGTAN

reasons (not an update)

eyyy

so i've been gone pretty long lately

and i'm really sorry for that

i'm sorry for just leaving 2 weeks with no appearance or any updates.

i've been facing many problems for the past few days

and it's okay if you dont wanna read you could just skip this and go on to the next chapter

because in this chapter i'm gonna tell you my reasons to why i was gone for days and why i update so long.

1. periodic test

and yes its our quarterly exam the last days and knowing me i wouldn't have to review because that's me!

but this is different, 3rd grading is like one of the things you needed to take serious of

3rd grading is like one of the things that's going to compute for your 4th quarter grades, and that students are sometimes laid back at 4th quarter that's why sometimes our other grades comes from our previous grades.

so if you've been pretty slicked back at 3rd quarter you are never going to get that 85 final grade.

plus we are that section called the "special program for journalism" which means you have to get a decent 85 average and above or you will be completely kicked out of the section.

i dont wanna fail infront of my mom so that's why im giving my best to atleast get an 85.

pressure is no common in school these days.

2. projects

so sure we haven't got that many projects to do but this shit is hard

being part of the media you have to be very professional in terms of interviewing.

and 2 subjects needs you to interview people.

one is about poverty where we're gonna make a documentary about the other side of our school.

and a lot of us don't have that much confidence, i belong in that.

another one is interviewing afro asian citizens who are currently living here in the philippines.

we were about to interview some but my cousin warned me that if i don't have a consent from the school that this is just a project we would get kicked out the mall.

that was another hard one.

3. hacked

so recently my fb account got hacked and that pissed me off the most

this was my second time my acc got hacked and i guess it's from the same person

because who would want to hack my account?

of course i had to make a new account which is so fucking  stressful knowing i had to ask my friends to re add me to the other group chats in our section.

and i tell you we have a lot of those.

so... thanks random fucker who just hacked into my account.

4. i think im depressed or shit

yup

someone has been bringing my whole confidence down

someone is making me really anxious about myself

i've been talked down to the point other people is doing it too

i know its for my own good but implying someone that you look like a tomboy just because they like large shirts?

bringing down their ego that sometimes kills them inside?

saying that im a worthless daughter?

that im just as useless as my dad?

that everyone is actually laughing behind my back that made me more anxious about my surroundings?

making me feel like im nothing?

is that for my own good?

is that what's best for me?

does that make me feel good about myself?

no

i feel like im no use in this world

like that very special someone just crushed everything about me

i felt like nothing

i felt embarrassed that i couldn't be who they want me to be

that i couldn't be stylish or girly

be a loving daughter to her mom

be a great person

i can't be me anymore

that i don't know who i am anymore

to the point where im slowly looking for myself but ends up falling back to that endless hole i just escaped

i felt trapped with the eyes of many

with their expectations and beliefs

that i should be a grown woman at my age

that i shouldn't be a child anymore

that i shouldn't be me anymore....

they want whats best for me but they didn't know that i don't want what's best.

i want that thing that makes me happy no matter how many other person contradict it.

i want to be myself

i want to love myself truly

but i cant...

i just cant

and i fucking hate that i cant be myself.

well there you go...

sorry for randomly putting a drama after being gone for days

i hope you understand

love lots sweet potaetoes!!!!!!!!!