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MIRTH·LESS
lacking real amusement and typically expressing irony.
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My eyes were still puffy from a few days ago, the small line of snot hanging from my nose and not a single care in the world for my appearance. I felt....numb.
"Did you want some breakfast?" My mom asked and hugged my side and I shook my head. I didn't feel like eating, or sleeping, or even letting my chest heave up and down with every breath.
"Nick should be over soon, he went home late. Listen, I know it's a touchy subject but maybe you should go to therapy or something." My mom's chicago accent hit my ears, and my lips quivered.
"No, no sweetie don't cry."
I felt the comforting arms around me. It was my fault. It was all my fault that Lukas was dead. He wouldn't even get to wear the graduation hat or get to see his future wife walk down the aisle, hold his newborn baby, he wouldn't get to witness his children growing up, or even going to college.
And it wasn't his fault, it was mine. He was scared.
I could remember what happened by just thinking of Lukas's slinky body fall to the ground like a dead rat. It was horrific.
"Ma'am, please step back." The police officer mumbled, his hands arming his gun like it was a toy. "Son, I don't wanna have to shoot, please put down the gun." He called, and I could feel my heart almost burst.
Shoot? No, no, they couldn't shoot Lukas! This was just him being a little messed up, this was him being....confused.
"Sir, please don't shoot him, he won't shoot you." I called and he ignored me with a quick glance to me.
"We have a 4-30, the suspect is not lowering his weapon, reporting for backup." He said into his stereo, Lukas staring at the police man in fear.
"I want to see her, I want to see Malibu." He called and the police officer put up his gun in caution.
"We can't do that, son, just please, drop the gun and let us get you safe." He called, and Lukas had a small moment.
He started to put down his gun, but brought it up again. "Everyone lies to me, I am tired of this!" He yelled.
Soon there were four or five police cars, Lukas was getting closer. Still, the silver limited edition gun in his shaky grasps.
"Lukas, please, DROP IT!" I screamed, the fear-filled blue eyes connecting with mine. "This is your fault." He called, tears dripping onto his sweat-covered shirt.
"Lukas, I am sorry that I hurt you, but you need to put down the gun." I said with a pained smile.
Fake that smile, make him thing you're sorry. I was sorry for making him feel worthless, I was sorry, didn't he know that?
"You lied to me like everyone else!" He pointed the gun at my small body peering out from behind the car.
That's when it hit. The shockwave through my body.
A gunshot, spreading through the night sky, my mouth draping open like an opera singer, my fingers curling to meet where I thought I was shot.
"304, 304, we have a kid shot. Weapon was in range, calling medic." I heard the static and looked up to see the officers rushing to the body of Lukas.
"L-L-...Lu-." I couldn't even get out half of his name.
My lips spasmed, tears dripping off my chin. "O-Oh my-You ki-." I let out a speechless gasp of air. My insides felt like someone was stabbing them all over, my fingertips tingled like they were making contact with cold water.
I felt firm hands pick up my body, a young police officers arms wrapping around my sides. "It'll be okay. We need to get you safe." He helped my body move when I didn't think it could.
My head turned to see the medics reaching the body, their heads shaking. I felt like letting out the loudest scream, but my chest burned when I tried to make a peep. I couldn't even breath correctly.
This police officer was carrying most of my weight, my feet incapable. My eyes peeled to Lukas's body being draped over a stretcher, the small black bag engulfing his body.
No, no, they couldn't of killed him.
He was innocent.
"Snap out of it." My mom whispered, her hands combing through my knotty hair like a hairbrush, the relaxing feeling of her breath brushing up against my back.
"It was my fault, and it's okay. Lukas is gone." I whispered back, embracing the truth.
