Reincarnated In An Otome Fashion Game (on Hold)

C 20

Day 30:

"It's almost time now. In just tomorrow, i will be back to that hell hole of a school....

Wait. All schools are like that, what am i saying ?.

Pfft-

Haha. I guess i'll have to investigate on a couple of things too.

From the surrounding environment, the teachers, and the little shit heads that used to bully this body. Well.... i guess it's like a restriction for me.

Oh yeah, i have to check on their backgrounds too huh....

What a pain in the ass.

Wait, patience comes first. I've been through a lot of stuff in this 3 months. From being dead,revived,reincarnated, to facing a lot of obstacles in my path. And hey, i still survived.

From my memories of this world that belongs to Amora, she saw the world as a grey monotone land. Even though that's not true, i know she saw it that way because she has always lived like that. From the day she found out about her magic powers. She started to have a new point of view in life.

She... really does remind me of my past self. The accuracy of the change in feelings is so spot on, that it hurts.

From my parents, my friends, and my hobbies+activities that i used to have. I left all of them when my body exploded into pieces. Still, i've been holding in my emotions for a while now.

Sometimes, i wish that i could be like a robot. I don't have to eat,feel, or rest whenever i needed to. I really don't like having an emotional burst of thought. In fact, i hated my brain whenever my emotions tried to control me.

So i shut it all in. Never to see the light again. I did all kinds of good and bad things when i was still alive there. I used to thought that i don't need anybody to feel alive. I used to thought that everything that i did was right, and the others are wrong.

Hehe, do i count as a sociopath too ?

I may have been a terrible guy to some people. Or a fallen angel type that few people liked.

I never felt anything new in the last few years. When i played my games, reading mangas, studied hard on my tests, or just playing with my friends, i do feel a burst of excitement or happiness.

But it's only temporary. It won't leave an impression on me. Cause i know i will always refert back to my old self. And everyone will go on with their own life while i'm stuck with my feelings.

There was a time when i started to think if all of this really matters. A time when i loved to watch failed suicide stories or an autopsy of mental illnesses. I always thought 'good for them' whenever i watched them finally have a happy ending.

After i watched them overcoming their fears in life, and be happy for once, i will thought to myself.

Will i be like them someday too ?

It may have been a stupid wish, but i really like it if someday, i would knew what true happiness is.

Since a child, i was always the smart one. With an IQ over 135, but a little EQ of 70. I was the golden child that every kid would envy. My parents were normal, so when they found out about my potential, they trained me to do all sorts of stuff. That's why i'm good with almost everything in the terms of art and writing.

Haha, since i'm part asian, i guess my compability with all kinds of stuff is not surprising. Well, the only thing that's keeping me down is my lack of interest in the sports world. I can't really run fast, and i'm bad at everything with balls or rackets.