A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far Away

Chapter 167

Dear Diary,

Still can't believe I'm the one writing that. If this keeps up, I'm naming you. It's been awhile since I've last written, you know with the craziness of leaving and then all the weird stuff that Ahsoka and I were checking out. Also part of the reason that I've officially given up on keeping track of how many days it's been since Halloween. It should be January, right? Or would it be February by now? Nearly March? It's 2018 at least. The Last Jedi would have probably hit the cheap theaters by now, I would have probably already seen it if I were still on Earth. Assuming the police would have managed to track me down after being kidnapped.... Anyway, good news is that previous craziness is over with.

The bad news is that Anakin apparently now has the power to ground me. Yes, there is no spelling error: Anakin. Long story short, when getting information to him, he figured out it was me and here we are. Yes, there's a more indepth story, but I don't want to write it down. Bottom line: they found me, and I got in major trouble. And I'm pretty sure Ahsoka and Nyx hate me now.

I'd much rather forget it happened.

I don't think anyone else is onboard with that idea. Anakin won't let me out of his sight.

I just don't understand why he—or Padmé for that matter—care so much. They were really worried apparently.

Does it even matter?

I made the mistake of opening up, and allowing them to get attached to me. I made the mistake of making actual friends for the first time in four years as well. What's wrong with me? I'm not going to stay here, so why am I letting this happen? I'll hurt them when I'm sent back.

I'll hurt myself. I've spent long enough using myself to protect them, now it's time to protect me. I'm allowed to be selfish, right?

I just don't understand why it's so easy for me to disregard old rules. I've lived by them for years: don't get attached, don't make friends, don't make connections, don't open up, don't allow anyone past the mask, don't talk about your past, stay in the corner, stay in the shadows, stay out of sight where you can be forgotten, and no matter what DON'T be a problem.

Yet HERE we are.

I've care for them, and they seem to care for me. I made friends and connections. I opened up. I've let people get to know me enough to see through me. I've told some of them about my past. I didn't stay out of sight in a corner hardly talking; I've been in the thick of the action as best as I could manage. I've apparently made myself rather memorial: I'm gone for nearly a month yet several of the Jedi at the Temple know not only who I am but are also asking where I've been. Same goes for Padmé's handmaidens, security, and senator friends.

And I've turned myself into a problem.

I've made an utter mess of things.

I don't like this. I've never had to tough out a situation like this before. I've never—nor has anyone else—stuck around long enough to do that....

And I may not need to.

The twins are due soon. If I'm right about leaving, it'll only be a short amount of time before I'm back on Earth.

I don't know how I feel about it.

On one hand, Earth is certain. I know what happens there, what's possible, what my future holds.

I won't have any worries or uncertainties when it comes to relationships with other people because I won't have any. It will be back to living in the shadows and surviving separate from everyone else.