Capturing You | myg

Chapter 5.1

Chapter 5 is here! ~~

This part is heavy on narration so please forgive me. :c

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[YOUR POV]

My life is a mess.

Yes. You heard it right. I act like everything is fine but my life is not that great.

It all started when I was born. I'm not a lucky child; probably not rich and famous. I came from a broken family. My mother and father separated when I was young. My father left us. Well, I can't blame him; my mom's attitude is a trash. They were childhood best friends ever since. My dad really loves my mom since they were young. Too bad, my mom did not feel the same way.

My mother's biggest dream was to become a well-known model in South Korea. She's so beautiful. My other relatives told me that I got my mother's looks. Luckily, I didn't have her trash attitude. I'm so thankful for that.

When my mother was about to reach her dream, a mistake happened with my father. She got pregnant and she thought she's about to end her career and dream to become a model. My life was not safe that time. My mother planned to abort me but my father promised her that he will be responsible for everything. Like what I told earlier, my father really loves my mother but my mother was just too blind to see it. All she can see is her dream and ambitions in life.

My mother agreed to get married with my father. At first, my father thought everything was settled and stable because he thought my mother accepted what happened. Fate is playing with our life. After I was born, my mother was still holding on to her dreams. She regretted her decision of marrying my father.

I was six years old when my mother decided to file a divorce with my father. My father was really hurt that time. I can feel his pain. I sometimes saw him crying at the back of our house. I knew that time that love is not a game. It is very complicated. I was so scared of what will happen to our family.

My father left us after signing the divorce papers. I don't know where he went. I didn't hear any news about him until now. The day that he was about to leave, I begged him to stay. I love my father. He really treats me well. He loves us. He loves my mother and also me. But life is so unfair for him. I was mad at him for leaving us. He's a coward. He didn't exert any effort to fight for us and stay with me.

After few years of living with my mom, I didn't feel like she cares for me anymore. I started taking care of my self alone. I couldn't do anything about it. I had no choice. I sometimes woke up with a fever but no one's beside me. Even in school activities, I don't have anyone to accompany me. My other relatives don't care about our situation so I can't ask for their help. All I can do is cry and self-pity.

I'm so busy taking care of myself that one day I woke up and my mother already married someone. He's a rich guy. My mother told me that we're moving into the house of his new husband. I don't want to leave our house because I'm still hoping that my father will go back to us. But all my hopes were crashed.

We moved to the house of my mother's new husband and I transferred school. I don't really like my new school. My entire classmate's attitudes were trash. They're all rich but they're the worst. They're human but they have no humanity.

Since they knew that I was just a daughter of somebody that married a rich guy, they bullied me and called me names. Gold digger mother, gold digger daughter; like mother, like daughter. I'm tired of trying to be okay but this is too much.

I'm like a trash in the ocean trying to go with the flow all those years. I started to work as a part timer in a café in Busan just to save money for myself because I don't want to accept anything from my step father. My mother didn't know about that.

After I graduated middle school, my step father and my mother decided to plan an arrange marriage for me for the sake of my step father's company. I really want to explode that time. I don't want to be controlled by them. No. I have my own life. They didn't even know what love is and they're talking about my marriage? My mother married my step father for money. She's not in her right position to lecture me about love. That is so unfair. I'm not a doll that they can decide whatever they want for me.

They also want me to study to a business school but I don't want to. I really want to study anything related to art. Anything related to photography. I don't even know the guy that they want me to marry. I told myself that I was matured enough to decide for my life. They don't even care for me. They just want the money and share of the company that they will get if I marry that guy.

When I refused to the arrange marriage, it started to fuel the biggest fire of my life. My step father started to hurt me and abuse me. My mother didn't do anything about it even if I begged her. She told me that I deserve it because I'm a disrespectful daughter trying to rebel and I'm a disgrace for the family. It really hurts me when she told me that she should have aborted me when I was in her womb. It feels like my own mother is stabbing me and killing me emotionally.

I don't want to think about it anymore. I accepted my fate. All the pain and scars of my past was just too painful. I decided to run away and leave our house with a small amount of money in my pocket. I don't want to live with them anymore. I went to other part of Busan to study and work at the same time. I applied for a scholarship and luckily I got accepted.

I don't have anyone beside me. I don't have any friends to trust or to call when I was having a hard time. I was always alone. It was a rough start for me to officially live alone away from home at a young age.

There was a time that I don't have enough money to buy food. I'm studying and working with an empty stomach. It feels like hell. Everyday is a living hell. I feel like I woke up in the morning just to survive this hell over and over again. I was just trying to survive life, not to live life anymore. I'm a walking disappointment.

After four years of studying, working as a photographer in a studio and work as a part timer in a convenience store, I finally adjusted with my life. I was still alone but I got used to it. I had a small savings for myself. I promised myself that once I graduated in university, I will leave Busan.

Living in Busan is too painful for me. Sometimes I can feel that someone's watching me. That was one of my mother's employees. I knew it from the start that she's paying someone to watch for me.

I never thought that it is possible to live a ridiculous life like mine. I thought it only happens in a movie.

At a very young age, I traveled life alone. I didn't have a chance to live a normal life like the other teenagers. I discovered different emotions on my own. I learned to overcome it all by myself. The only thing that I didn't have a time to learn was to love someone and to feel loved. I was too busy and focused with my own problems in life that I realized I didn't dated anyone. I don't have time to date, thought. I can't even fix my own problem, I can't even trust myself. The walls that I created were way too high now. I don't know how to destroy it anymore.

My life is like a story straight out from a Korean drama. After all those years, I can still feel some of the scars inside me. All my emotional scars are still here. I'm just concealing it with my positivity and motivation.

I walked too far now, there's no turning back.