You deserve better

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My voice was sore and my nose stuffy as i stood tall next to my boyfriend, trying to intimidate already much taller boy. I struggled to find the right words to say to him as i angrily spit words out at the disrespectful boy that i'd loved for so many years now.

"you can't go around saying that shit!" i screamed at the top of my lungs.

his voice was loud and deep as he looked down at me condescendingly, "in case you haven't noticed, i can say whatever the fuck i want"

tears brimmed my eyes, a trait i'd had since i was little. anger causing me to cry, specifically anger with people that i'd trusted, "it's fucking rude and misogynistic to call a woman a slut. and to think that you have the right to call your own fucking girlfriend a slut because she has friends? that's low, kyle. really fucking low"

"you want to talk about low? how about dating a guy for five years and cheating on him with some stupid and scrawny little singer boy"

"i never cheated on you with daniel! he's my best fucking friend who i've known since i was five. despite you thinking that you're the only guy in my life, there are other guys that i love and trust and you need to get that in your thick skull"

venom filled his eyes and i no longer recognized the boy that i'd formerly had reason to love and respect. a fire lit inside of him and i couldn't see anything but the boy with smokey ears and eyes that didn't understand the way the world worked anymore, "you're such a fucking bitch! do you think that it's ok to disrespect me like that? to call me a liar when i fucking know you're a little fucking whore who went and ruined our five year relationship for a fucking piece of shit?"

"you're such a dick" i scoffed, turning away to avoid his recognition of the tears that ran down my face. it wasn't that this had never happened. he'd go out drinking for a little bit and he'd get back, drunk out of his mind and would come up with some lame excuse to fight me when i didn't want to have sex with him. it was unhealthy, sure, but i'd loved him for so long that it felt as if there was no point in breaking up with him. that maybe he was my one and i'd been screwed over at a young age, "you're the only one ruining this fucking relationship"

"right, because i'm the slut" kyle's eyes were dark and his height scared me. the way he spoke to me with alcohol spilling out of his mouth and his arms swinging wide, his feet growing closer and closer to me that i feared his arms would swing in anger and knock my much smaller and frail body to the ground, breaking every bone and organ in my body like he had many times my heart. the fear that i'd stay here and become nothing, wisped away by the drunkenly formed angry that he'd always seemed to gain.

a terrified, rancorous look implanted firmly on my face as sober saliva spit out of my sobbing mouth, words coming out angrily at the boy who i'd easily gained enough of in that moment, "fuck you kyle"

my feet turned on their heels and i quickly grabbed my purse and phone from the front of our apartment. i shoved them into a pair of uggs that i'd bought myself for christmas one year after i'd realized he'd forgotten to buy me something and took my keys from the hook. a surge of tears dropped down my drowsy face as i left the apartment and stepped into my car, beginning to drive off in my beaten down blue toyota that kyle and i had bought together two years back. it'd taken its fair share of mishaps due to kyle's idiotic and troubled driving that always seemed to land him or someone else in trouble.

in that moment i'd wished that like the windows of my car in the rain, my eyes had wipers that could move the tears from my blurred vision and make it easier for me to see the road ahead of me on my journey to the place that i hadn't even need think about asking to visit.

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