Stray Kids Oneshots

58 - Felix

Requested by Beautifulwahh ~♥ 

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I wiped my nose as I read the comments passing by on the livestream. It was late at night at this point, and most of the people watching were from other parts of the world. I tried to focus on the comments and the positive things they were saying, but there was something inside of me that made me feel like it was false. I had heard it all before. I really appreciated it and I loved them with all my heart, but it just didn't process well in my head.

"No, I haven't been crying! Don't worry, I just woke up, that's probably why my eyes are so red." I laughed and tried my best to cover up the fact that I had, in fact, been crying just minuted before going live. It was yet another wave of depressing pushing me down, drowning me like always. I came closer to the camera and took a look at myself to make sure I actually looked normal in a sense. I just looked awful, but I had the weak excuse that I had been sleeping as my alibi for now. I didn't know how long it would last, but it was the best thing I could come up with that actually made some sort of sense.

"I have been sleeping for about an hour or two, but then I woke up and I was unable to fall asleep again, so here we are." I shrugged and looked off camera and out the window where I had heard something coming from the streets outside. As I directed my attention away from the stream, I dozed right out. My smile faded and I pushed my lips together in an attempt to not cry again. I turned my head away and took a deep breath to calm down and collect myself. Everything wrong came crashing down on me. But I couldn't break down in front of all these people, I just had to suck it up and push through. The live hadn't even been going on for ten minutes. To end it so early would make me feel kind of guilty in a way. I was just happy that everyone close to me were asleep at this hour. I wouldn't know what to do if they confronted me about this. Sure they'll know that I went live, but they wouldn't know what I was talking about, and how I was behaving.

"Yeah, they were all amazing. I was supposed to go too, but I got sick." I referred to a comment about the ISACs. My voice began to become nasally and it became harder and harder to speak. Many comments regarding my behaviour came up, asking if I was really ok, and if I needed to talk about anything. As some comments came in, it turned into a domino-effect and most of the comments were now asking about how I was doing. They wouldn't believe me no matter what I say in order to cover it.

•Felix p.o.v•

I sat there for a couple minutes, looking at her straight out lying. She hadn't been sick during ISAC. She had just not showed up. She told us that she had to work on something and couldn't come. Things weren't right. Things weren't piecing together properly in my mind. I knew her well enough to know that something wasn't right, there was something going on. The fading smile, the red eyes and the cracking voice. She was constantly clearing her throat and looking away, turning back, taking deep breaths. I knew she wasn't ok as she implied. The other viewers didn't seem to believe her either. She had been quiet recently when I began to think about it. She rarely asked to hang out anymore, not with me, nor the others. She had become more reserved the past few weeks. The look on her face seemed broken, despite being decorated with a smile and light laughter. Her eyes seemed to contain so much sorrow and it was lingering in her voice as well when she spoke. I couldn't make myself watch this any longer than I had to. I couldn't just leave her like this. I turned off my phone and got dressed. I was the only one in my bedroom that was still awake, so it took some effort to get out of there without waking anyone up, but I succeeded. I walked towards the hall and was met with Woojin squinting and rubbing his eyes as the light of the hall was blinding him. He looked me up and down in confusion.