Stray Kids Oneshots

66 - Hyunjin

Requested by sunfloweryings_~♥

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Song of the "Day": Like a flower - N.Flying

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I watched her as she ran up to Seungmin and Jeongin, like always. She just waved at me and smiled like she didn't have a worry in the world. I wish I could do the same. I wish I could plaster on a smile and don't give a shit about the negative parts in life. If things only were that easy. If only the world knew what you wanted and put things together for you to live happily. But it'd only mess things up for others, wouldn't it? If I wanted to do something, the world had to change your way of living so I'd be able to get things the way I want. And maybe it'd mess things up for Ying too. It would be the last thing I wanted.

I stood there, watching them as they laughed and joked around, or more specifically, I watched Ying as she laughed and teased the others. It hurt to be standing on the sideline, watching her be with the two like that. Why couldn't she come to me? Why did she have to stand there and not here? Why couldn't she stand in front of me, holding my hand and looking me in the eyes with all the love she had. Why couldn't I just get rid of all this jealousy and realise things would never be like that. She would never stand next to me, with her hand in mine. She would never laugh with me the way she did with them, and she wouldn't joke around with me like them either. No matter how much I wanted it, I would never get it.

But the way she smiled warmed my heart, even if it wasn't to me. I always felt butterflies whenever she looked my way, whenever she waved. I couldn't stop thinking about 'what if's. What if she loved me like I loved her? What if she was the one I could sleep until late with, and stay up with until the sun peeks up from the horizon. What if I got to walk with her around the city, her hand gripping onto mine, her warmth managing to calm me down compared to the busy city. What if I got to sit with her by the window at night, singing and joking around like it was just us. Like we were the only ones that mattered for each other. She was already the only one I cared about so much. Whenever her smile vanished for a second, I couldn't stop but worry that something was wrong. Her smile never vanished for long, and it quickly reappeared, bringing me relief.

I talked to her every once in a while, but I never managed to talk to her for long periods of time. I always got too nervous to say a full sentence. The members always teased me about it, but I couldn't bring myself to really care about what they had to say. I just cared about staying collected and focusing on Ying's well being, sometimes more than myself honestly. I just wanted her to be safe and happy.

I looked down as Seungmin came walking over, almost jogging as he did so. Jeongin and Ying stood still, looking in our direction as Seungmin approached me.

"We're going out to eat some lunch. Do you want to come with us?" He pointed back at the two, standing there waving and smiling to seem more inviting. Just knowing Ying was tagging along, there was no hesitation whatsoever. I just nodded and smiled in their direction. Ying hit Jeongin's chest gently with the back of her hand, and looked up at him, saying something. Jeongin put his hands into his jacket and looked down at her, nodding and smiling. Why was he looking at her like that? Why did he smile and laugh the way he did. Did he have feelings for her, like I did? I wasn't really the competitive person when it came to romance. I would raise my fists for a K-drama character, but when it came to real life, I liked to be more on the side. Even though I might be hurting, it's worth going through it for her to be happy.