74 - Felix pt.5

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Song of the "Day": Not Mine - Day6

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"Thank you.." Felix looked down at the floor with his fists tightened so tightly that his knuckles turned white. We stood outside the court hall, Felix as a free man at last. These events had really worn on him, leaving a huge print on his psyche and personality. He was in therapy, but we had been notified that it wouldn't be possible for him to turn back to his old self. He might be similar, but never quite the same. He had been through hell in prison as well, getting attacked and teased by inmates because of misunderstandings. He had been thrown around, under a bus, off a cliff and put in a cell and been held down by the blurry memories of the event. He had to repeat that he couldn't remember what happened quite right, he only remembered being drugged whilst being held down by someone. He had always thought that it was Jisung, but he had never been certain of it. He didn't deny the fact that Changbin was the one, as he could slightly recall that he was at the scene now that they mentioned it.

"Don't worry about it. It wasn't exactly me." I smiled and tried to make him calm down. He was so tense, and I could understand. He had been in jail, a place where you have to be alert all the time, you need to watch your back even if it's calm and quiet. Felix had told me in the beginning, as he never felt safe anywhere besides his single cell. He once broke down crying when telling me how horrible it was in there, it made me break down.

He smiled and shook his head. It was careful, but it was something. Changbin had confessed to the crime and got sentenced to death row, charged with possession of drugs, homocide, and physical violence. There was no way to save him. This time the case was closed at last, no more suspects and no more evidence. Everyone who were included were now lured out, as if it was a game of Guess Who. None of the other boys were shocked to hear that the case was still going, as new, groundbreaking evidence was sent in by Changbin himself. They were more surprised to hear that Changbin had been the one to kill someone and manipulate a memory. How he managed to get away, and play a part of everything without seeming suspicious, was kind of impressive, I wouldn't lie. He had gotten clean and unnoticed until he came home with the others, not a single spec of blood visible on him. Changbin had his ways and they were kept secret from the public, even us who were a part of the case as well. If Changbin requested it, or if it was the call of a judge, was unsure.

"Thank you for visiting me...ngh! I'll try to get better!" He almost broke down as specialists came over to take him into special care, suited for his diagnosis and problems. I got tearyeyed as I watched him get escorted away from us and into a car. I could only pray for him to improve, for his results to change for the better. Chan hadn't visited Felix at all when he was in jail, up until recently, and came home crying when he saw how much he had changed, and how lost the old Felix was. He was replaced with a stranger.

"Hey!" Felix came smiling and waving. He was moving back into the dorms. He was discharged from the hospital at last. He still had regular appointments with his psychiatrists, but was able to live more normally and independently. He had some trigger points that we had been notified of. Drugs, alleyways and grabbing of his neck was a big trigger for him. He would get into the same state as he was in prison, until some positive trigger came up, making him happy.

"Hey!" I smiled and held the door open for him as he entered the hall, throwing his bag into the corner whilst taking off his shoes. "How are you?" I asked, curious to hear as he seemed better than last time I had seen him. It was hard to visit him in the psychiatric unit the past year and a half. Not only because it hurt to see him in there, but also because of protocol and rules in the hospital. Chan went there most often, to both keep up with Felix, and to keep him company in case he felt alone. Some of the other boys visited him regularly too, Jeongin almost as much as Chan. He had started to focus more on school, but also during practice so he could impress Felix with how much he had improved, when he came home at last. He was through the roof when he heard that Felix would get discharged. Everyone were happy to hear that he was "good to go", but Jeongin was the one who expressed it the most. Even Changbin got to know that Felix was healthy enough to come home, and he started crying of guilt and happiness. It was clear that he only wanted the best for him from now on, and did feel guilty.

"Is everyone else here?" He asked as he hung up his jacket. I nodded and closed the door before crossing my arms across my chest. I was almost admiring him. I waited for him to walk inside to greet the others, but he remained there, smiling at me with bright eyes. He looked at me for a little bit longer before walking over and wrapping his arms around me. He held me tightly and didn't seem like letting go any time soon. I wrapped my arms around him as well, trying my best to free them from Felix's tight grip. He closed his eyes and I could feel my shoulder getting soaked.

"Thank you. You believed me first, you got me out of there. You made life worth living again and I don't know how to repay you for that." He cried and grabbed a handful of my shirt, holding it tightly as he cried onto my shoulder.

"I don't know what to say Felix...but there's no reason to thank me, at least not yet. You got messed up big time, thrown under the bus to save someone else, even though you were innocent. You got told you were going to die...you got beaten and threatened. You...we-we lost you. I'm not done, so don't thank me now. I'm gonna fight for you to be like yourself. I want you to feel like yourself. Thank me when we get there." I let go of him and tried to smile despite the constant flowing of tears running down our cheeks. I wiped them away, drying mine and then using my thumbs to dry his. I placed a hand on his back and motioned for him to walk inside and meet everyone else. The boys had all missed him a lot the past years. It's been a long time since the case got started, and the case got closed for good. We all felt this print in our personalities and abilities after the murder. The five of them had managed to pull themselves together after a long time of grieving and reflecting. We missed how things were in the past, but there was no reason to try and deny and fight something that's permanently imprinted in our history. Jisung would always be gone, Changbin eventually as well. Felix would always be affected mentally with PTSD as well as some other diagnoses that we weren't allowed to know about. Felix had requested it to be kept secret, as he didn't want to be seen as weak. We would never see him that way, but we couldn't do anything but respect his decision and try to learn his behaviors, as well as new likes and dislikes.

"Felix!" The boys shouted as Felix entered the room, they were all smiling widely. Seeing Felix so genuinely happy was a relief. He hugged everyone and joked around like the old days. Chan grabbed Felix's hand and raised it up at the ceiling.

"Back, and home for good!"

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Picture of the "Day":

Picture of the "Day":

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"Aching heart and the feeling of being choked from the inside. Perhaps this is my body telling me it's over."

I was woken up at 2am last night with a blasting stereo, and a stomping, clapping train of people through the room. For what you may ask?
TO SEARCH FOR EIGHT QUESTIONS AROUND THE HALLS AND ANSWER THEM, then we had to DECORATE A CAKE! We were supposed to eat it, but I just cleaned up and went to sleep....it was 2am...for gods sake...

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