Aya's Confusion(Book 1)[Gxg]

34. Confusions. And more confusions.

"Sabihin mong nagbibiro ka lang." Medyo garalgal ang tono ni Aya nang magsalita. "Ano bang kalukuhan 'to ha, Alexa? Pinagbigyan kitang magpunta rito. And not for you to break up with me, afterwards!"

Hindi napigilang magalit ni Aya sa naging desisyon ng kasintahan. Ito naman kasi ang namilit na magpunta dito kahit matigas ang pagtutol niya, at ang makipaghiwalay ito ay hindi niya maintindihan.

"I know you still had feelings for her. I'm sorry, Aya... pero ayoko ng may kahati. You have to confront with your own feelings, first. Gusto kong maging malinaw ka muna sa sarili mo kung sino ba talaga ang gusto mo. I know you love me. I've felt it.

"But I know it wasn't whole. You're still wounded. You have to heal first, Aya. I'm still gonna stay. Sasamahan kita sa healing process na 'yon. But I don't want to keep you. Gusto kong malaya kang magdesisyon. Kaya't ibinibigay ko muna sa'yo ang kalayaan mo. It will help the both of us."

May isang butil ng luha na pumatak mula sa mata ni Aya. "Ano bang kalukuhan ang pinagsasabi mo? Hindi mo ba alam na sinasaktan mo ako ngayon sa gusto mong mangyari? I can't take another heartbreak, Alexa. At si Yuna ay isa na lamang nakaraan na ayoko nang balikan!" Aya pointed inside the house as if pointing to Yuna.

"At ikaw ang pinipili ko. Ikaw, Alexa," may diin sa tono ng designer.

"But you still love her, don't you?"

Sandaling natigilan si Aya sa tanong. Mahal pa nga ba niya si Yuna?

"It doesn't matter! Oo siguro nga may nararamdaman pa 'ko sa kanya, but it meant so little. Ayoko na sa kanya. Ilang beses na niya akong niloko at hindi ko na siya kayang pagkatiwalaan pa!" Bumunot ng malalim na hininga si Aya.

"Alexa ano ba... ikaw ang gusto ko, hindi siya," nasasaktang sambit niya.

"It does matter, Aya. I want to have you fully. And I won't achieve it if you're still hung up with your ex. And you will never be wholeheartedly happy if you still hadn't moved on from her. I am giving you time to think this through." Buo na ang desisyon ni Alexa. She had made up her mind even before they came here. Hindi madali para sa kanya ang desisyon pero alam niyang ito ang nararapat.

Kinuha ni Alexa ang dalawang kamay ng designer at masuyong pinisil ang mga iyon. "But as I have said, I'm still staying. I am still gonna fight for you. But I want you to be truthful, not only to me, but to yourself. If you want me, then you'll move on. You'll heal yourself and love me wholly."

She paused for a while and then said, "because I believe that's what I deserve."

Hinawakan ni Aya ng mahigpit ang mga kamay ni Alexa nang anyong bibitaw na ito. "Alexa, please... don't do this."

"Aya... mas makakapag-desisyon ka ng maayos kung hindi ka nakatali sa akin. Kailangan mo munang pagalingin ng tuluyan ang puso mo. I want you to be happy, all right? Kaya sundin mo ang puso mo. I'm not exactly telling you to choose her. What I want is for your heart to be free of any burden, of any pain and hate. Just be free of everything. And don't you worry... I'll always love you. And I'm always here for you. Hindi ako mawawala," masuyong wika ni Alexa.

"No, no, no. Please..." pakiusap pa rin ni Aya. Aya was now in her comfort zone. Alexa was her comfort zone. And to get out of that comfort zone was scary. She didn't want to confront her fears, her pains. She was afraid.

Pilit na kumalas si Alexa sa mga kamay ng designer. Nakayuko at nakakagat-labi upang pigilin ang emosyon. Even if she wanted to, she wasn't the type to back out from her words. Lalo na at alam niyang iyon ang nasa katwiran.