Aya's Confusion(Book 1)[Gxg]

35. The escape

"Alexa amazes me to no end," napailing-iling na wika ni Ivy. May hawak na maliit na tasa ng kape sa isang kamay at hawak naman sa kabila ang platitong pinagpatungan nito.

Dinalaw nito ang kaibigan matapos mabalitaan ang pangyayari.

"She annoys me to no end. Makikipag-break siya tapos aakto siyang parang walang nangyari. That woman is really mental," ang wika naman ni Aya. Sa kanyang kamay naman ay isang baso ng pineapple juice.

Ibinaba ni Ivy ang kape sa center table kasama na ng platito nito. Sumandal sa backrest ng sofa at pinakatitigan ang kaibigan.

"But you got to admit na beneficial din naman para sa'yo ang ginawa niya. Hindi ba?"

May pagtutol sa mga mata ng designer sa sinabing iyon ng kaibigan.

"I don't think I can agree with that. She didn't have to break-up with me. Dati pa namang umaali-aligid si Yuna sa amin parati, but we managed to get through with it," pangangatwiran niya.

Napatango naman ng pagsang-ayon ang journalist.

"You're right. But before, you were always deflecting Yuna kaya hindi siya totally nakakagulo sa inyong dalawa. But now is different. You are willingly allowing Yuna in your life again, right? Gaano ka kasigurado na hindi na manunumbalik ang dating damdamin mo para kay Yuna?

Alexa saw that too. That's the same exact reason why she broke up with you. Foolish, all right, but she just wanted to make things easier for you. She did that because she truly loves you. Mas makakapag-desisyon ka nga naman ng mas maayos kung wala kang commitment sa kanya. Dahil aminin na natin, hindi mo pa rin talaga na-s-settle ang damdamin mo para kay Yuna," diretsang wika ni Ivy.

"But I did choose Alexa, right? Wasn't it enough? I don't want to dig the past," ani Aya.

"Dahil natatakot ka?"

"Dahil tapos na 'yon."

"Ako ba ang kinukumbinsi mo o ang sarili mo? I could see the conflict in your eyes even as we speak. At alam mo kung bakit nahihirapan ka? It was because you haven't decided yet. You still haven't made your choice. Face it, Aya. Choose. Alexa was generous enough to give you time and freedom to do so."

Ilang sandaling hindi nakaimik si Aya. Ang baso ng juice ay nasa kamay pa rin niya. Nanlalamig na ang kamay niya dahil doon kaya't ibinaba na niya.

Deep inside her, Aya knew all of it, but she refused to acknowledge them. She didn't want to deal with her deepest feelings because she was afraid. She was afraid that when she dug in, she would get wrapped up again in confusions.

It would have been easier if she had not met Alexa. It would have been easier if she had not learned to love Alexa. But she did. And she didn't want to go all the trouble of choosing. She wanted an easy way out and choosing Alexa was the easy way out. But Alexa had to break up with her and now the silly woman was bringing her and Yuna closer, making things more complicated as it was.

"Oo, aaminin ko... meron pa ring mga kaguluhan sa loob ko. Pero natatakot akong harapin 'yon. Ayoko nang halukayin pa ang nararamdaman ko dahil baka hindi ko rin magustuhan ang makikita ko. I don't want to choose, because I know that either way I was going to break my heart. And either way I was going to break someone's heart. I was really torn and I don't know what to do."