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She had a good long cry while she waited on him. Not because he would be mad at her. Not because she didn't know what would happen to Seth. Jay's only worry will be about her and he would make sure Seth was all right.
She cried because she still had Seth's taste on her. After everything Jay and she had shared yesterday, it was now sullen by this.
Seth had kissed her before, and before that it was Travis Bentley. Steve Dunning had been her first kiss. The Sadie Hawkins dance freshman year. If that small kiss was even considered a real kiss. Travis Bentley had been the year after that. Sweet boy who was so shy, he'd been more nervous than she'd been.
But there wasn't supposed to be any more boys. No more kissing anybody but Jay.
By the time he got there her lips were probably red from wiping them off so much.
He got out slowly and seemed to be in no hurry, but she knew he was giving himself a moment to calm down now that he could see for himself that she was all right.
"Is he okay?" Jackson asked as he came up to the steps she was sitting on. When he saw her face, he frowned.
"Probably not so good. If he's asleep try not to wake him."
He nudged her leg with his foot. "You okay?"
She looked at Jay. "I am now."
He waited until they were alone before he sat down and took her hand. "The first girl I kissed was Lark Moon. It was a year after I lost you. The only reason I remember her name is because I'd never heard of anyone with that name before. After that it's all downhill. Some with names I can remember, some with names I can't remember. There's been girls too young and a few too old. There was at least one married woman and one girl who was really a guy. He kissed me and I punched him. You can imagine how well that looked to everyone around us. For weeks all of us, including me thought she was a girl. That was back when I still tried to not trespass on other people's thoughts. By the time I knew he was a dude, he was already kissing me. And I didn't punch him because he was a dude, I punched him because he let me think he was a girl. That's not cool and I don't kiss dudes. I've kissed women I've wanted to kiss, and some I didn't want to kiss. There's too many to count and my sex life is about the same. Look at me, Paisley."
When she did, he caught her other hand and brought it away from her mouth. "It was just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything."
"You're forgetting that I know what you're feeling."
"Oh, I'm good and pissed about it. I want to go in there and break his lips, his teeth, his jaw and his pretty fucking face. The only reason I won't is because I know you care about him and that it would upset you more than you already are."
"You're hurt too, Jay."
He sighed. "Yes. When you were thinking about never having someone else's lips on yours again but mine, you made me want that too."
He caught her face before she could look away.
"We can still have that."
He caught her chin and guided her lips towards his.
Paisley stopped just shy of her lips touching his. "If this is to be our last first kiss, then it needs to be something special."
He smirked. "What did you have in mind?"
"A promise. My promise to you that you are my first, and my last. Just like I know that I'm your first and your last, because all those ones before me don't count. They didn't love you the way that I love you."
Her words were like a soft kiss to his battered soul and he let her feel how those words were healing to him. He laid his forehead to hers.
"You've been loved. Your mom, your friends. That goon in there loves you. Travis Bentley is still in love with you and loses his heart to you again every time you walk by him, but none of them will ever love you the way I love you."
The lips that touched hers trembled.
He was so tender and careful of her that fresh tears came to her eyes. Even after the kiss ended their breaths mingled as his thumb brushed away her tears.
"I don't deserve you."
"You're wrong. You deserve so much more than me, but you're stuck with me because I'm not giving you up." After another tender kiss, she laid her head on his shoulder. "You'll go easy on him?"
"You mean, am I going to break my fist on his perfect face? I want to but I won't."
"I think you should erase tonight from his memory. He doesn't need to know that______."
"I disagree. He's devastated about what he did to you. He's hit rock bottom, and he will need that memory in order to crawl back up." He gave her one last kiss then stood and helped her to do the same. "I'll deal with kissy face and give him a ride back to town. Jackson can take you home."
