Growing Pains

17

Jin sat across from Namjoon at the dessert shop.

He stared at the big bowl of patbingsoo that sat on the table between himself and Namjoon, but his eyes were unfocused.

"Jin?" Namjoon called as he held a spoon out to Jin.

Jin continued to stare at the iced dessert, not hearing Namjoon call his name.

"Hey Jin! Earth to Jin!"

Namjoon snapped his fingers in front of Jin's face, and it did the trick.

Jin blinked several times before turning his attention to Namjoon.

"I'm sorry, Namjoon. Did you say something?"

"Here," Namjoon held the spoon out to Jin once more.

"Thank you, Joonie. Sorry about that," Jin apologised.

"Are you alright? You've been distracted all evening."

"Yes, I'm alright. I'm sorry, Joonie. I'm a terrible date. You must hate me."

"Don't be silly, Jin. You're not a terrible date."

But Jin knew different.

He could see the disappointment in Namjoon's eyes.

He knew how his friend felt about him, and that was why he had agreed to go on this date.

He had hoped that it would take his mind off Jungkook, and had also hoped that he might develop some feelings for Namjoon.

But the heart wants what it wants, and Jin's heart wanted the one that he couldn't have.

More so after he caught a glimpse of Jungkook when Namjoon had picked him up.

He hadn't expected to see Jungkook when he had opened his front door for Namjoon.

Hadn't expected to see Jungkook looking all hot though slightly sweaty in his track team uniform.

But then Jin had seen Taehyung, Namjoon's younger brother, get out of the front seat to move into the back, and he realised that Namjoon must have picked them up at a sporting event and agreed to drop Jungkook home on his way to pick Jin up.

Jin had seen Jungkook's jaw drop when he saw Jin, and it had caused a thrill to course down his spine.

Jin knew he looked good because he had made a little extra effort with his preparation for this date.

But what Jin didn't expect was to see the look of distress and betrayal cross Jungkook's face before he ran into his house and slammed the front door.

He had wanted to go after his dongsaeng to make sure he was alright, but Namjoon had ushered him into his car.

Jin took a spoonful of the red bean shaved ice, and was about to put it in his mouth when Namjoon put a cubed watermelon on top.

His eyes met Namjoon's, and he saw the blush spread across his friend's face, and dimples appear on his cheeks as he smiled shyly.

"Joon..."

Jin knew he couldn't continue this charade.

He couldn't lead his friend on.

He didn't have any romantic feelings for Namjoon, and his heart didn't beat for him the way he knew his friend's heart beat for him.

He had to stop this before he hurt Namjoon.

Before Namjoon hates him.

"Namjoon-ah, I have to t-"

"Jin, I'm leaving."

Jin startled back.

"Wha... what?"

"I'm leaving this place. Our town. I'm moving to the city. To Seoul, and I hope that you'll come with me."

"To Seoul? Why?"

"I got an acceptance to Hanyang, and I've decided to take it."

"But I thought you were going to the college here. With me. You said you had accepted their offer."

"I did but I've now declined it."

"Why?"

"This town is too small for me. For us. I have big dreams, and I know you have them too. Seoul is the best place for that. For us."

Jin's spoon fell back into the bowl as he looked at his friend.

Namjoon dropped his gaze and concentrated on eating the shaved ice instead.

"Namjoon..."

"I know you got an early acceptance to Hanyang. I think you should take it."

Jin was stunned into silence.

He had told no one about his early acceptance to Hanyang, except for his parents and his school counselor.

"I know you're choosing to stay here instead because of that boy Jungkook. I think you're making a big mistake."

Jin continued to stare at Namjoon in silence.

"That boy will never be like you and I. He will never love you the way I do. You will never be with him the way you want to."

"Is that why you want me to go with you? So I will be with you instead?" Jin's tone was cold.

"No, Jin. I want you to come with me so you will have a chance at happiness. Though I would like for it to be with me, I know you don't have feelings for me beyond friendship. I've accepted that you don't love me back."

Jin lowered his gaze in shame.

This was the second person he's hurt because of his selfishness.

"I'm so sorry, Joon."

"I don't want your apology. Just your promise that you will finally make yourself a priority, and stop putting that boy first."

Namjoon had driven him home after that, and the silence during the ride had spoken volumes.

As Jin got out of the car when they arrived at his gates, Namjoon also got out and he called Jin's name.

"Jinnie, please think carefully about what I said. I hope to hear a favourable answer from you when we talk about this again."

Jin watched as Namjoon drove away, his mind whirling with new information to consider.

As he turned to go into his home, he saw movement at one of the upstairs windows in the house next door.

He looked up and saw Jungkook looking back at him before he disappeared behind his curtains.

Jin's heart fell as he entered his home and closed the door.

He was haunted by the looks he received from two different pairs of eyes tonight.

One filled with barely concealed hope, the other filled with hurt and unshed tears.