Kala bears, wicked mutations of Australia's koala bears (marsupials), are on the rise.
Humans were destroying the koala's whole world, their trees. They were powerless to resist until, under pressure, a mutation occurred. Their eyes went from brown...
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Commander Winnie has asked that we record, occasionally, the Facebook conversations of KBW soldiers. He says this will give future students of the archive a "taste of the flavour" of the times. I concur. What follows recounts the surprise appearance of Commander Winnie's cousin, the mysterious Winnie B.
Note: Regarding privacy. All those who play a part in the story, and those who have added comments, have given their permission to be included here. Names have been changed where requested. All comments are exactly as they were received, without editing.
Neil: Oh My Godless Gimp. I follow a certain supermodel, and she says: "Hello, but I got no time to chat" and for that she gets 352 comments. That's fine, good for her, she's a lovely person, but all the same—sheesh! I drop my pearls of wisdom and get a 'like', maybe. Perhaps if I find a pic of my fit young self in me undies people will notice me.
Neil: Winnie says he has 1,321 friends since he posed nude. Ha. I checked. Not one of Winnie's 1,321 friends has posted a face for a profile pic, so I figure they're probably all just him.
Winnie: yu don no nuffent neil. my frens are all agents of sirius werking unda cuva so they carnt sho face and you just bord and torking to you sef an findin fults
Neil: Geez Winnie, your spelling is getting worse.
Winnie: yes but im am get mor clever ever day an yu get stupid an tork to yusef an yu think peepul lik yu coz yu can spel
Marie Curie: if u pose nude i will dump u as my friend. sirrius.
Neil: Golly. Am I so horrible to behold that the very idea of my posing nude would lose me my dear Marie Curie's friendship? Nah. It's probly 'cause my mind is so dazzlingly beautiful she feels it should not be conceived in terms of a body.
Marie Curie: absolutely darling!
Neil: Fancy that – a message just popped up from one Winnie Boxham-lee, a Chicago based street Winnie (from the Pooh family branch). He's tracked down our Winnie, says now he's found us we should: "fuck some shit up like nothing". How intriguing. I got no idea who this boy or bear is.
Winnie B: yo man thats me you be talking of? can you hook me up with some hot bitches?
Neil: Hey there, cousin. Yeah, we got the gals. You should know though, it takes a little class to hook up with this stable.
Winnie B: I'm cool man, where i'm from that's a term of endearment, but i'm guessing you folk don't do like we do. Sweet.
Neil: I'm messing with you, bro. I see a couple of the gals friended you. And Winnie himself says: "he my cuzin. he ver good bear".
Winnie B: this rap got a ripe beat there bro, diggin! winnie knows how it goes.
Neil: Hey Winnie B, Commander Winnie says we need you. Says he'll approach Sirius on your behalf. You in?
Winnie B: Sweet.
Sirius: Commander Winnie, we are aware of the work your cousin Winnie B is doing on the Chicago streets. He's a natural. We have approved his Sirius Powerpac and have him on standby for future KBW missions.HOOAH
Neil: Sweet.
Chimie: Wheres my Powerpack? I eat kalas for breakfast!
Sirius: Welcome aboard Soldier. Your Sirius Powerpack has been approved and will be downloaded directly to your psyche. Your timing couldn't be better, you'll be needed in Commander Winnie's upcoming kala bear battle. Your Comrade ID is now aka 'Captain Chimie'. HOOAH.
Neil: Outstanding.
Debbi: I'm in.
Sirius: Greetings, Comrade Debbi. Your Sirius Powerpack has been approved and shall arrive in your psyche shortly. The powerpack will allow you to astral travel, lucid dream, and a host of other useful ninja skills. Your Comrade ID is now aka 'Thigh Bone Debbi'. HOOAH
Winnie: helo debbi im am ver happy you hav joind the army. im wan ask yu wen we go for fite the kalas can you pleze bring yor thibone trumpet. better you bring 2. i wil splain wen i see you.
