Punk Harry Imagine

Part 37

Part 37

Jasey Wacey: coming over in 10 min. get ready :))

What.

Me: okie. C u ya loser.

Jasey Wacey: thx. Feel the loveee

Me: 💁

I scrambled around. Why was he coming in ten minutes? What is going on? What is life?

I rested my head in the palm of my hands.

Think.

Think.

Think.

It was no use, I kept thinking but for some reason all that would pop up in my mind were hamsters in slow motion.

What can I say to him without revealing that I forgot everything? I feel so terrible.

Me: what r u doing after?

Jasey Wacey: nthing rlly. Just gonna go with my mom to hlp out with the wedding stuff

Bam.

I was supposed to help Jace pick out his wedding suit and stuff. I looked at the mirror, examining myself. Usually, I would just shrug and say 'eh, good enough' but I look like I got hit by two buses and a tricycle. Also, my pink poodles pyjamas weren't exactly screaming 'yeah! this is what normal people wear in public!'.

Jasey Wacey: y u ask? :)

Me: just wanted 2 c how much time I had 2 fix ur face

Jasey Wacey: geeee. Thx

Me: np :)

I grabbed the first things I touched in my closet: jeans and a t-shirt with a shirtless Channing Tatum on it.

Eh, good enough.

I then smother my face with a shitload of concealer combed out my really knotty hair. I examined myself in the mirror again.

Eh, good enough.

Fuck, no, wait. I forgot to grab a bra. I ran to my dresser, tripping over my laptop charger and grabbed a random bra. I got back up and did that weird thing where girls would pull their arms into their shirt and slide their bra on there. I ran my fingers through my hair, fixing it from what it turned to after I fell.

Suddenly, my door flew open. I looked to see that it was my father.

"Hey."

"Sup," he hummed. "I heard a loud thump earlier?"

"Oh, that was just me struggling at life," I say.

My dad rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's all? You interrupted me from watching YouTube!"

I scrunched my eyebrow. "Dad, you came in literally five minutes later. If something actually happened to me, I would probably be dead by now."

"Then I shouldn't of checked at all!"

"Dad!"

He laughed. "Now if you will excuse me, Nicki Minaj is waiting for me."

My eyes widen. "Dad. Please don't tell me that you're watching a Nicki Minaj music video."

My dad shrugged. "Gotta know what y'all young folk are into."

"Ew, dad, no. Why can't you be normal and sit on the couch and read a newspaper or something?" I say, scrunching up my nose at the thought of my dad watching Anaconda.

"Well, why don't you be normal and actually go outside and have friends?" he retorted.

"Gee, thanks dad. And actually, I do have friends. I'm going out to do something with one of them now." I stuck out my tongue and crossed my arms.

"Y/N, for the last time. Siri isn't your friend."

"Dad! It's a guy friend too! Watch me go out and get pregnant."

"Good luck with that."

"What the actual heck dad, you don't even care?"

He shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"What if I die?"

"We'll use your college funds to pay for the funeral. Your mother and I could always make a new child, you know?"

"Ew ew ew ew ew ew, dad. Just leave!" I yell, covering my ears. I hate listening to people telling me about how they frickle frackle like ew, no, Kenya not? Dubai.

"Peace," my dad says, thumping his chest with his fist and holding up a peace sign.

As he left, I heard him belting out the lyrics to Anaconda.

Oh my god.

How do I live in these conditions?

---

Yo. You guys are some crazy mofos. I just casually scroll through my books and then see that a particular book has 10k. Like what. the. fuckstickle. What is this sorcery?!?!

Spoiler alert guise, I'm actually Harry Potter. Hmmm, I wander
.
.
.
gET IT? WAND-ER? CAUSE I'M A WIZARD?

Never Mind. People never appreciate a good joke.

Well, thank you for the 10k. I will personally go to your houses and offer free hand jobs. Jk. Five dollars. Gotta pay for college somehow.

Well, thanks again. I love you. See ya later alligator.