𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼

1| bad memories

{this 1st chapter is soooo freaking long, pls don't run away I promise the others are smaller}

I never really cared about the time flying by, days, hours, minutes. But at this very moment of my life every seconds felt as horribly long and painful as years of waiting.

I couldn't find the right thing to do, that was just a problem I couldn't seem to be able to solve by myself. My subconscious first turned to the police, and I almost called them right before I saw this little piece of paper scrawled roughly on the greasy living room table.

"Gone with Ben. Don't worry. DON'T call the police. Mom"

That was what she had written in french. I remember struggling to decipher her terrible handwriting.

Four small sentences to announce me her sudden departure.

It has already been three weeks of me going around and around in our messy flat, all alone. At the very beginning, I was so worried that I intentionally skipped school on the aim to find her. I went to every single seedy places she ever brought me to. At Ben's place the exact same picture showed up, stuffs all over the floor, empty cans of beer and this silence that I feared more than anything in this world.

I called her a million times from our home's phone even though it had been placed way too high for me and I had to climb our kitchen chair -which I was scared to do because of the memory of my four year old self falling of it and get injured-. And she just never answered.

It's like she had disappeared from our planet in just a few seconds, leaving me alone and devastated.

Three weeks after she left me as I was fully cleaning the house thinking that if I had been nicer, if I had been less stubborn and if I had done what she asked me she would have brought me along with her, somebody knocked on the front door.
Dropping everything I ran as quickly as I could, already prepared to apologize for everything that I had done wrong.

But that wasn't my mom that I found behind that gigantic door. Where she should have stood a smile on her face, was an even more gigantic man in a dark blue suit.

I remember that he asked me my name.

"Amanda Castel." had I said loud and clear like my teacher taught me to.

He then asked me my age.

"Eight, almost nine ! " -I was so proud-.

I also remember the shudder invading my whole body when he bent down to ask me another question.
Where was my mom ?

Suddenly the paper she wrote me came back to my mind, she didn't  want the police involved, as always. Being the good girl she taught me to be, I asked him if he was a policeman. When he nodded I lied, like she taught me to so well, saying that my mom was sleeping due to awful sickness.
Quickly and before I could  do anything against it he entered our house and went to search my mom. But she wasn't here and he wasn't supposed to know.

With a sigh I heard this tall and scary man say "I don't even know how you made it so long all alone."

And then he lifted me up off the ground.
No matter how hard I had tried to fight, no matter how loud I had shouted and cried, he simply took me out of my house.
Far away from our house, and from my mom.