𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼

18 | we'll meet in the mist

She was the last thing I thought about before falling asleep, and the first when I woke up.
But whereas yesterday night when it put a smile on my face, today it made me all anxious.
Would she realize that we crossed the studentxteacher boundaries? Would she realize that I'm just a fucking stupid and childish student?
I thought so. And only to not be disappointed when she'll ignore me again, I repeated that to myself all morning, preparing myself to the inevitable.

"What's up with you? You're waiting for someone?" Shit was it that obvious?

"Oh my god did something happened with Cathy?" Exclaimed Jade, jumping out of her seat.

"What? No." I quickly replied in a totally truthful tone, leaving her all disappointed.

"That makes sense, she would have told me anyway."

Feeling that Emily was going to dig on that subject I grabbed my bag and stood up. "Okay I gotta go, see you later guys."
With a sigh, I quickly walked away from them, heading towards my first class.

Damn why are you so nervous?
That's only your teacher we're talking about, no big deal.
She was actually a big deal. And my palms were sweaty and I didn't like the way my voice was trembling.

What do I have first? Oh, poetry.
I'm not ready. I'm not. I'm really not.

Seeing her door open my pace slowed from itself. Okay breathe. She's going to ignore you, don't look offended because you already know it. Be ready for it.

I almost dropped a 'fuck' when I remarked that there wasn't anybody in the room, except her.
But I didn't have time to back away because her head quickly raised up as she was sitting at her desk.
You're ready for it, don't be that weak shit again.

She smiled at me. SHE SMILED AT ME.
A genuine smile, like she was really happy to see me. Okay happy is maybe too big but you know.

"Oh hi Amanda! You're early."

"Hi." I quickly replied while joining my seat.
Shit was that cold?

"How are you?" Damn she's talking to me. I really didn't expect that.

"Well how are you?" I answered after some time.

Leaning on her elbows, she shrugged slightly, trying to find my gaze but I was desperately staring at everything else than her.
"I'm fine."

Before anyone could say anything more, some students began to enter the room, happily greeting our teacher.

She didn't ignore me.
So why was I giving her the cold shoulder?
You're so stupid Amanda.

After refusing to look at her for the whole hour, I should have seen it coming. But I was still surprised when I heard her calling me back at the end of the class.
And we were alone again.

Standing in front of her as she was resting her weight on her desk, I waited for her to speak as I wasn't able to do so, which she did after a few seconds of staring at me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Miss Anderson." In fact everything was. That was all so wrong. I shouldn't have to worry about her still talking to me or not, she shouldn't be the first person that come to my mind when I wake up.
I shouldn't care so much about her.
Everything was so wrong.

"Then why are you avoiding my gaze again?"
Shit.

Wearing my emotionless mask again, I did as asked, hoping that after it she would just let me go.