Better Things ✓

Chapter 18: beauty and scars

Delaney

The house felt like it was missing something.

Ben was lost without the parent he was usually attached to. He followed me around a lot. Whenever I was in a room, Ben was by my side. Sometimes the young boy came into my room crying for his Mommy in the middle of the night. He usually spent those nights in my room.

Dakota was quiet. Unusually quiet. He stayed in his room or was on his phone, constantly. He barely communicated with anyone.

The twins, well they of course were still not speaking to me. They were starting to scare me. I know I'm older than them but they're still taller and stronger, especially combined. They could seriously hurt me if they wanted to. Their tempers started to get worse towards me. It was no longer just flares and bumps. They shoved me discretely and knocked me down when nobody was looking.

I didn't say anything because I knew they were grieving. And I was scared.
They could get me kicked out if I say anything.

Carter was out a lot. He acted happy all of the time. Whenever he was in the house, which wasn't much, he had a smile on his face. I was surprised his face didn't get stuck like that.

Luke was burying himself in his schoolwork. I guessed to distract himself. Sooner or later he would need to come back to reality.

They all would.

Nathan was trying to help his siblings, but I didn't think he knew how. He was around them more but they didn't talk, just sat there.

Scott, however, was a different story. He seemed like he made peace with Maya being gone. I think the hour we spent sitting on that bench, crying and talking, helped. He spoke of the best and worst memories he had with this wife. I just listened.

After a few days, he was making conversation. He seemed to be okay. But it's never that hard to look better than you are.

I tried not to overstep my boundaries with anyone. I stayed clear of them, especially the twins. If they didn't come to me, I didn't push them. Nobody likes being crowded when they're trying to figure everything out.

•••

I was alone in the house. It was Thursday, but we had all had the week off of school. The boys due to their mothers death and me for my accident.

Scott took Ben with him to work and the others were off doing their own things. Work, friends, stuff I don't want to know about.

I was standing in my room, debating what to wear. Xavier was going to be here soon. We were suppose to go out. We hadn't seen each other in a few days, because he went on a family trip.

Today was our day. We were going to the park and to eat. Hopefully, ice cream.

I texted Xavier that the door was unlocked and that he should just come up, so it didn't surprise me when I heard footsteps in the hallway.

I laid my skirt and shirt on the bed and walked to the mirror.

I pulled my top off, leaving me completely bare. I gauzed at my body in the full-length mirror.

I had millions of scars running down my entire body. Some were clean, some jagged. They were all different sizes. I ran my fingers over a few. I could tell the story of how I got every single one. They were ugly. Horribly, disgustingly ugly.

My back was a whole new level. It was covered in jagged lashes that were, in return, covered by the newly added burns.

Tears filled my eyes as I took in my form. My hipbones were too prominent and my boobs were basically non-existent. My ass was flat too.

I ran my fingers over my flat stomach. At least I had gained some weight from what I used to look like.

I'd never loved the way I looked. But, I knew I'd never be the same as I was a year ago. I was getting better, with the help of Xavier and therapy, but no one ever fully goes back to the way they were.

I was so lost in thought I didn't even hear my door open or Xavier's footsteps as they approached me. I didn't notice how I was shaking or the tears racing down my cheeks.

I felt big, warm hands on my hips and tensed up. My body went ridged. I looked in the mirror again and saw my boyfriend standing behind me. My body automatically relaxed.

"Sweetheart..." he muttered brokenly. He held my hips and spun my body around to face him.

"What's wrong baby girl?" He asked concerned. His big hands wiped my tears then held my face tenderly, directing my eyes to meet his.

"Why are you with me?" I whispered, trying desperately to avoided making eye contact.

"Because I love you." Answered without missing a beat.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"I'm ugly." I was almost certain that I hadn't said it out loud, but looking at Xavier's face, I knew I had.

His eyebrows pulled together. He looked sad, like it physically pained him to hear me say that. I didn't know why.

"Baby... you're the most precious girl in my world." He started placing small, sweet kisses on my face.

"You're smart, funny, kind- but you're also irresistibly gorgeous. I make sure to hold your hand when we're out so that no guy, or girl, will put moves on you. Because you're my girl." His kisses moved to my collarbone and neck, but not any lower. They were slow and meaningful.

"I love your sweet, honey hair. Your beautiful freckled cheeks. Your perky breast that fit in my hand. Your cute little ass." He playfully tapped my butt.

"But, sweetheart, I would still love you even if you didn't look like this. I love you for who you are, not your body. The scars only show me everything I love about you. Your bravery and strength."

"I. Love. You." He kissed me between each word.

By the end of his speech, I was ready to marry him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered "thank you" into his ear. My boobs pressed into his crisp shirt, making me shiver lightly.

It didn't matter that I was naked. It's not like he hadn't seen me before. I knew he wouldn't touch me unless I said he could. I loved that I could trust him with every bone in my bone.

"I love you too, Xavier."

•••

The rest of our day was filled with snacks and cuddles.

Xavier suggested staying in, rather than going out. I admired his consideration. So, we went to his house and made ourselves comfortable. We got the candy and popcorn into bowls and cuddled up in the corner of the couch.

My favorite spot.

I snuggled my head into his chest, barely paying attention to whatever movie was on. My arms were wrapped around Xavier's torso. I was in his shirt and sweatpants.

They smelled like him. They were also huge on me, because Xavier's a giant. The sleeves were floppy, hanging off my arms, and the pants were so long I would've tripped if I walked.

I sighed a breath of content, happy to be in my man's arms.

Even after the shitty week I've had, he made it all better within a couple of hours. He always knew how to fix things without even knowing what was wrong.

Seeing his cute little dimples pop out, or his bright smile that lit up any room made my day a little better. The way his eyebrows pinched when he concentrated or the pouty face he mad when he was trying to look mad at me.

With the safety and love in my heart, and the soothing rhythm of Xavier's heartbeat around me, I closed my eyes, slowly tuning the world out.