Don't Be Scared

S.1 E.13 ~ Doctor of the Dead (Ch. 108)

With nothing more to add, Warren took out one of her revolvers and loaded the empty barrel with the single piece of ammo. Carefully like it was a ticking time bomb, she cocked it herself and slid it into the clammy palm that belonged to Cassandra.

"Thank you, Warren." Cassandra spoke weakly as she embraced the weapon.

She knew she'd be too weak, but she wanted Warren to rest assure during the rest of their mission.

"You got it." Warren smiled, patting the hand she placed the gun in before walking out of the small room so Doc and 10K could have their moment with her.

"You hang in there, darlin'. We're gonna find you some antibiotics, and we're gonna get you straightened out in no time. Rest assured that (Y/N) is bound and determined to cure you."

Leave it to Doc to be positive. The old man leaned down and silently kissed Cassandra's clammy forehead. In that moment, they both knew she wasn't making it out of this underground lab. 

(Y/N) was not going to be able to finding any antibiotic, especially if she hadn't already found them. But what was Doc suppose to say? 'Don't worry, darlin', as soon as the bullet enters your brain the pain will go away'? 

No, because it won't. The pain may go away for her, but for the rest of the group? It won't ever go away. The knowledge of knowing Cassandra had to shoot herself will always haunt them. 

Doc didn't have it in him to tell the girl, who he's grown to love, she was about to die even if they found the specific antibiotics. She's too far gone to be saved. Doc lifted himself up and walked out of the door, not letting his positive vibe die down until the door clicked shut. 

10K now stepped up to the plate, rubbing the hand that didn't hold the gun.

"Take care of her."

"You know I will. Just get better so we can watch out for her, together."

"Thank you, Tommy."

What she meant to say was thank you for caring for me in my last moments; thank you for always being by my side; thank you for watching out for someone that I love and adore in my place.

Those three words meant so much to the both of them. She knew that along the way, 10K was going to fall in love with (Y/N) and (Y/N) was going to finally admit she loved him. 10K was going to fall so deep in love with (Y/N) that he'd finally be able to tell her his actual name.

*(Y/N)'s P.O.V*

I speed down the hallway after telling Cassandra I loved her too. I couldn't see the look on her face when it registered what I had just said. I couldn't stand seeing her dying, sick face pale as the virus and infection began to fight for her body.

I did it once for someone else and I can't do that again, or I'll break. No simpler description of how I'd take that kind of experience again. I'll have a mental break down I've seen everyone else go through and I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to stop functioning; I'm not ready to feel like all hope is totally lost. I shot down the right side of the hallway with the knowledge Cassandra wouldn't be running after me, or running behind any of us.

I took the sharp left before taking a sharp right. I ran down the corridor until a still body became an obstacle in the road. I looked up with tears staining my face and one hell of an ugly expression caked onto my features.

I was in no condition to be given a 'most-beautiful-teenager-in-the-apocalypse' award. I don't want to lose anyone else. Once I knew I was in the safe zone with the obstacle in the road, I gripped Murphy's shirt, balling the fabric into the palm of my hand.

I shoved my head back into his chest, ignoring the fact that if his shirt wasn't there, I'd be face-to-face with zombie bites.

"Woah, what happened? Where did everyone else go?" Murphy interrogated, awkwardly patting the top of my head.

Has he never held someone before?

"She's not gonna make it." I broke the situation down in a less complex story, turning my head to the side with my eyes tightly shut.

Even with my eyelids trying to act as a cement-made dam, the tears were constantly flowing down my paling face. I don't want to let go yet!

"Who? Cassandra?"

Only nodding my head to give him his answer, I felt Murphy wrap his hands under my armpits and pick me up like I was a feather. Does the Z-virus provide strength-giving abilities like the serum given to Steve Rogers?

I felt my back touch something cold and sturdy as my feet landed back onto the lab's spotless floor.

"Stay here. She's going to make it, (Y/N)." Murphy's tone of voice didn't waver; it didn't even sound the least bit concerned for Cassandra's health, but I took the direct orders.

I processed the fact he was leaving me by myself. Once his hands had disappeared from my arms, I fell to my butt. The will to stand was with Murphy as he removed himself from being near me.

My knees moved to press against my chest while my arms wrapped around the appendages. I let my forehead fall to the kneecaps of my legs, crying like a baby who had just lost it's favorite toy. I was a baby, though.

I am losing my favorite person. I'm losing someone again and again; it's a never ending cycle for me.

|| Losing you was the becoming of myself ||