Forcibly married to the person whom rejected me

LXIII

"Alive? Is this another sick game of yours?" I state taken aback by her sudden words. Taken aback by the sudden hope rushing in me. She looks around me, not daring to look at my flaming eyes. "They haven't found the body. There is no-" she says before I cut her off by my low yells, "that's because his body remained at the enemy's territory!". She finally locks eyes with mine and I could see her getting confused by my shiny teary eyes.

"Don't you get it Gwendolyn?... they tortured him. They beat him up, probably even cut off his fingers..." I spoke as my voice kept lowering, my heart raced with death and I couldn't help but allow my voice to break. "Look, I'm just saying what I think. There is no one that saw him die, no to conform. No body, no witness" she says voice raising in her frustrated tone. "You can't just thin-" I was going to yell at her oblivious thoughts before she stared right into my soul and said through her gritted teeth,

"I know you have hope. I know deep down you know he is out there. I can see it in your eyes. Lie to me, I couldn't care less..but lying to yourself? Don't let your pain consume you". I stand in shock as I finally turn around to see her tall slim figure leaving outside. I shed my tears in despair. Holding my lips to cover my cries because I knew she was right. Deep down me wasn't able to lie to myself as I've fought the urge of looking for Oliver.

I lean by the wall, taking in deep breaths as I try to regain my control before anyone sees my damaged hidden self. Ever since Oliver left for the war, I stood to be looked upon. I had to be strong, had to have the courage to make hard decisions. Had to move on without a tear slipping down my tinted cheeks. I just didn't think I would have to reach that point. Where all these orders where to be set ever so soon.

I wipe away my tears and take my last heavy breath as I shake my head in denial of self corruption. "If you were alive, you'd come along" I whisper to his soul in return of his actions, if there were to appear.

"Elizabeth?" I hear Lucas's concerned voice call me out as I was about to leave the castle. I turn around and I nod waiting for him to speak. "May I join you?" He says, dodging away my nervousness of him having the little chance of knowing what happened earlier. "Yeah. Yeah of course" I reply taking his hand and heading over to ride Matilda.

"You know I've been learning how to ride a horse" Lucas states as I sit behind him. "Is it for Victoria?" I ask raising my eyebrows as I take us both away to the forest. It was currently 5 pm. The time Oliver took Matilda for a ride ever since he married me. He changed everything. From his personality, to his daily routine. An hour seemed to make no difference to the world and yet it made an impact on my owns.

As we ride through the forest, I slow down our pace to absorb the view around us. "Elizabeth.." Lucas whispers looking down at his own fingers. I hum questioning his sudden call. "Are you alright?.." he asks, worrisome wraps his question. I sigh slowly leaning down to him, "if you mean with life, then yes. I'm fine". He shakes his head in denial fast, "no. No! I meant are your spiritually alright?..". I raise my eyebrows and a small curve paints itself on my lips, "that's a big word for you, isn't?"

He remains silent and looks back at the view. I gulp my painful thoughts and try to find words to explain myself, my feelings. Though the only sound that left my lips were silence itself. I look around slowly and there I saw it. The place I once introduced myself to him. I seal my lips together and a smile creeps as I remember how awkward it felt when he rejected me. I chuckle at the memories and Lucas noticed.

"He used to come here, didn't he?" He states looking at the empty space in the ground. "Yeah..he did" I say gently looking down at Lucas. "I miss him" Lucas says with no glimpse of shattered glasses wounding him. I nod feeling the weight of the world on me. "I know you do too... I just hope you know he would want the best for you" Lucas maturely speaks and I felt as if I was speaking to father. Lucas grabs the reins from my hands and takes over our pace.

I hug Lucas from the back and remind him, "Father would be proud of you". I see him nod gently and I continue, "I'm glad you're my brother Lucas. I'll forever be" I state slowly. He giggles and I sit up properly confused. "I'm ticklish" he pouts and I laugh at him. "Oh god you took it from mom!" I said laughing at him, soon having him join me.

I finally grab back the reins and he pouts angrily. "What? You can take Edward to risk his own life, not mine! The people need me" I chuckle and he looks back straight after smiling cheekily at my approval. We stay silent after that as our own thoughts consume us. I finally sigh interrupting our thoughts. 'Don't. He's just a child' my mind warned. 'He's mature. He will understand' I replied back to my mind. 'Don't you dare Elizabeth. He is just six years old, he doesn't understand' my mind scolded me. I shake my head slowly trying to defeat my own thoughts clouding my sight.

"Lucas.." My whisper grabs his attention as he hummed in reply. "I want to ask you a question. A question, you don't have to answer though. Please I don't want yo-" I stutter in my words before he slightly turns his head to me, "go on. Don't be afraid". I sigh lowly before saying, "Oliver might be alive?..".

He looks back straight and wraps his palms on my wrists, "it's not a question Elizabeth...

because I feel father's presence".