Beyond The Stage

Distractions

Alexis's POV

"Eddie! Don't twirl on the pole like that! That's not what it's for!" I yell at my brother as he spins around the pole with more grace than a stripper.

He looks at me innocently while pouting, "Why can't I?"

I have to think my answer through, "It might have cooties!" As I hoped, his hands immediately pull away from the bar. I took Eddie to the park today. Mom is working as usual, and I'm home to watch him. It's Monday, so I don't have college classes. My classes are only a few hours day, and run from Tuesday to Friday, but the workload they give us keeps me busy almost constantly.

I don't need to work because of my scholarship, and I still have a good amount of money left from my years of working in highschool, despite the trip two weeks ago. So I just do class work on my free days while staying home to watch Eddie. Mom has a babysitter for him, but Elijah, Taylor, and I take him a lot.

I decided to give up on homework and take a break to spend time with my baby. Besides, I needed an Eddie fill.

He runs to me while shaking his hands. "Ew, cooties! Lexi, I need hand samitizer." He whines.

I laugh and take out the sanitizer that I keep attached to my keys. I squirt it into his hands, and he winces. I look and see small cuts on his palms. "See, it's killing the cooties," I smile. "Let's go back to the house babe. I don't want to get your cuts dirty."

"Can we get ice cream?" His eyes sparkle. We hold hands while walking back to the car.

"Didn't you have cookies this morning?" I ask. I made cookies this morning out of boredom. I left them on the counter to cool, and when I came back a few minutes later, five were missing.

Eddie looks away, "No..." We get to the car. He gets into his booster seat when I open the door for him. I stare at him while he looks the other way, focusing mighty hard on getting his seatbelt out. His little eyelashes flutter, a sign that he's lying. "Okay, fine. I did." He gives in to my stare.

I nod, then close the door and go around to the front. "You know it's not good to lie. Especially to family."

"Yes." He looks down at the floor guiltily.

I let it go, because I don't like to scold him. It's not like I only tell the truth, either. "It's dinner time anyways. When we get home, we'll eat and then maybe you can have some more cookies. You don't want to get a stomachache."

His sad mood instantly goes away as if it was never there, "Thanks, Lexi!"

I chuckle at his antics, "All buckled in?" He nods. I start the car and drive back to the house.

♡♡♡

When we get to the house, Eddie goes to his room to watch TV while I go to the kitchen and start cooking.

I try to focus on what I'm doing, but the same thoughts plague my mind, just like they do everyday. I can't believe it's been two weeks.

Ever since I left, heck, since the moment I made eye contact with J-hope, I've been getting worse by the day. Social media blew up the first week, with the three boys trending world wide. Fan cameras of the boys on stage with their bonds going showed everywhere, and none of the cameras caught me. I know I reacted quickly and I was already wearing a hoodie, but it was a miracle that no one saw me.

The hashtag 'Mystery Girls' was in the top five on Twitter. Some said that they each found their soulmates and were living happily with them without confirming anything. Some stated that the girls left, which brought a lot of bad comments that I didn't pay attention to, because it was my decision, get over it. Some were spot on, saying that the three of them shared one soulmate. It died down halfway through the second week, but no one has forgotten the event.

Meanwhile, it is still fresh in my head, every moment of it. The only thing I can do to relieve my mind is work. I put all my effort into college, and everything that requires concentration. When I have nothing to do, the sadness and disappointment comes in, even haunting my dreams.

So I take my time cooking, making sure to chop the vegetables perfectly, have the heat just right, and checking everything twice, whatever I can so my thoughts aren't free. What used to be my favorite hobby is now an escape.

The meal is finished quicker than I would like, so I leave it under the stove lamp and go to the couch to wait for mom to come home.

What would have happened if I let them see me, if I hadn't left? Are they hurting as much as I am? Probably not. I don't hurt physically, but mentally, I'm devastated. I want to be with them so bad, but it wouldn't be fair for them to have to share me. They might not have thought twice about it, never wanting a soulmate. But what if they did want one? What if they were waiting for me, and are hurting just as much as I am? The thought of causing them pain makes me feel worse, but there is no way to know whether it is true or not.

The sound of keys jingling interrupts my thoughts. Mom comes in with Chinese takeout in her hands. "I brought food!" She exclaims cheerfully.

I smile lightly at her, "Thanks mom, but I made dinner. I forgot to tell you." I was so focused on making the food that I didn't think to tell mom.

She watches me with worry. "Honey, you've made dinner every day since you got back." She looks around me, "What were you doing, the TV isn't even on."

"Um... Waiting for you?" I say as if it was an activity.

She sighs, "Are you thinking about them again?" I nod. She puts the takeout on the table before coming to sit with me. "I told you to think about it, but I know it's not going well. You're putting yourself in a bad place."

Eddie comes in, hearing mom's voice. "Hi Mommy!"

"Hi baby, did you have fun today?" Mom asks Eddie. She looks at me with eyes telling me, 'we'll talk about this later.'

"Yep, Mrs.Lopez told us about mummals today." He mentions his teacher.

"It's mammals, baby." Mom corrects.

"Yup, and Lexi help me with my homework, then we went to the park!"

"Oh really. Come on, let's eat, and you can tell me all about it. We have curry or Chinese."

We eat and listen to Eddie tell us about his park adventures. He makes me smile when he explains everything with wide eyes. When we finish, mom sends him to bed. She turns back around and raises an eyebrow.

"I think I'll sleep early tonight. I want to wake up early tomorrow so I can do a jog." I tell her, making an excuse.

"Mm hmm, I see." She speaks the dreaded sentence. I look everywhere but at her. "Fine, get some rest. I'll let it go, for now. But I don't want to see you staring off anymore, okay? Go on your phone or binge-watch Netflix like a normal millennial." She points at me.

I laugh, agreeing. "Thanks, mom." I leave before she changes her mind.

I take a shower and do my night routine before getting into bed. I grab my phone, putting on some piano covers of BTS songs. There are some days where I need complete quiet to sleep, and other days where I need soft music playing. Today was one of those days. I put the sleep timer on my phone and set it on the bed next to me.

Hopefully, I won't have any dreams tonight.