Toxic - Luke Hemmings

Chapter 79

Izzy's POV

After my weekend with the group, I drove back home and carried on with my new normal. I went back to spending the vast majority of my time with my mom, and even though I told her I wanted to see about getting a job, she didn't want to hear it. I was going back to school in the spring anyway, so to her it wasn't worth it when she could take care of me by herself. She said she owed me, and I didn't look at it that way, but she was kind of right.

I went back to campus a couple more times for more weekend visits, but before finals started they wanted me to come back one last time. I had another day until I told them I'd come, but when Sophie called me in a panic saying that they were considering having Luke come, too, I shut it down. I didn't want it to be an either-or situation, but after Sophie drove Calum to check on him he finally started working his way back in.

I spent a good hour on the phone with all four of them, explaining that I couldn't be around him yet. The sharpness of the pain was long gone, but I wasn't anywhere near ready to run into him again. If he knew I was there I was scared that he'd come looking for me. The only one who really gave him the time of day was Calum, but that's just because he saw how he was right after everything happened. I assumed he just felt bad.

"He's not coming, Cal. If you want to see him go to Brett's." Mike said sternly after almost an hour into deliberation.

"Fine. I just thought we could start mending bridges." Calum sighed, giving into Mike but still getting one last hail mary in.

"Do you want me to be honest with you?" Mike asked, and I knew this peaceful conversation was about to take a turn. I assumed Calum nodded, since Mike continued. "I don't know if I can even get passed what he did. So, how do you think Izzy feels?"

"You've known him for six years, mate. You can't just throw it all aw-"

"Cal, can you not defend him while I'm on the phone?" I asked, rushing to cut him off before I could hear him talk about how important the friendships were that were being ruined because of me.

"I'm sorry, I'm done. He's not coming." Cal said, dropping it completely once he got the message that he was literally the only one who was interested in fixing things right now.

"Good, good talk. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I sighed, just wanting to get off the phone after sitting in my room for over an hour and staring at the ceiling.

They all said good bye before I hung up, and I immediately tossed my phone on the other side of my bed. The music I had been listening to when they called started playing again, and I flinched out how loud the screaming was. It was weird, honestly. I felt healthier and more whole than I had in years, even when Luke and I were good, but my music just kept getting darker. I swear in the last month I went from Crown the Empire to Parkway Drive without blinking an eye.

I paused the song and sat in silence for a few minutes, just wanting to think clearly without noise. It had been almost five months since I'd seen Luke, and the time honestly flew by. Sophie said she hadn't seen him either, since she usually ignored all the texts from the old group chat they used every so often. He came to campus once, and the only one who wanted to see him was Cal.

I thought after this long I'd be fully over him, but the short time that I thought I might run into him had my heart racing. I wasn't ready, and that made me painfully aware of that fact. I still loved him, but I fully accepted that we were finished. I wasn't torn between wanting him back and wanting better for myself anymore, I just chose the ladder like my mom told me to. She was right, though, and it helped me get through these five months.

I left my room after another hour when I heard her come home from work, and she asked if I wanted to go get dinner before I left for the weekend. I agreed and let her change, running into my room to get ready myself. We came to the same restaurant we went to the first day I came back home, but I ordered a margarita this time since it was socially acceptable to drink after 5 o'clock.