Chasing Reality.

13 - What I Want.

After Autumn's Christening Ceremony, the Wilson's handled the after-party. By the beginning of November, it was becoming obvious it would be a white Christmas that year– Autumn's first.
Wrapped up in an orange Tiger from Winnie the Pooh jumpsuit, Autumn supported on Clary's shoulders fiddled with golden locks that tumbled from her carrier.

Try as they might, Clary and Autumn enjoyed each other's company so much that the baby was already learning the art of painting– well, more or less, making a mess– from Clary who always babysits. And from the little hair-puller, Clary reminiscent of the days of her teens with Summer.

"Aw!" Clary raised Autumn to the sky, freeing her hair. "You love hurting me, don't you?" To which the baby just giggled and reached for Clary's hair again. "Uh-uh, not this time."

"It seems she is as smitten with your hair as I am, Clary. How about we dye her hair blond for a while, that may stop her fascinating with yours." Eden came up from behind with a sipping cup.

" That's a terrible idea. Took you long enough though, " Clary took the cup. Putting it with care in Autumn's mouth, the baby responded with a soft coo. "I think she was just trying to tell me something. Look! She's all burned out."

Eden watched Autumn coddle into Clary, wondering if she would let him hold her. Deciding against his thoughts, he stood gaily next to them.
"Clary?"

"Yeah."

"I'm thinking of taking a job at Blaine Gatsby's." He turned to look into her vivid blue eyes.

Clary questioned his motive. Truthfully, he hardly had one other than a feeling of drowning loneliness he woke up with one morning. All the patients he made smile and colleagues who sought his expertise didn't take it away for three months.

It was till he stumbled hurriedly into the church earlier in the day, not wanting to miss an event of his goddaughter, did it dawn on him. He was missing his family.

They were people from different backgrounds and fields, drawn together by a passion for God and genuine love for their neighbour. He missed them all– the Allens, the Wilsons, the Wellingtons and the Julians. But most especially, he missed her.

She blew in like a gust of summer breeze on a winter day, warming up and taking the wheel of his life. He let her, of course. Not because he had no drive. He did. At that time, clary looked like she knew exactly where she was going, down to every twist and turn. Her confidence and certainty blinded him. And he followed like sheep.

Somewhere along with her tutorials, he realized he was attached to her, like a girl to her dolls. Her friends became his friends, her family became his family, her beliefs became his beliefs. Her smile strengthened his feeble knees and her comments, his broken ego.

He watched Clary say something but didn't hear a word. He has rather focused on the slight curve her lips made following the bright look in her eyes.

"I've realized that whenever babies are around men, you people get lost in thought. What in the world are you thinking?!" Clary shoved him gently.

Coming to his senses, he gave her a rather unintelligible reply.
"Tell me the truth, Eden, are you tired of Chicago?  you have a nice apartment, a nice job, good friends. You could boldly say you've got it made!"

He couldn't find the answer. He wasn't tired of it all. He had recently acquired loneliness that wanted him to do something very daring and stupid.

"When you wake up in the morning what do you think of doing?" He asked her.

"Praying." She laughed as if he should have known.