Rejected for being a nerd

Chapter 45

Zander's POV

Sharp, harsh winds slapped against my face; the winter winds doing nothing to soothe my anxiety. Inhaling the toxic fumes of my cigarette, a slight calm overtook my body. Exhaling, I began to wonder why my life had become so complicated over the last few months. Watching the thick fumes rise into the air and fly away caused a slight ache to arise in me, I wish I had that freedom, the choice to just fly away and leave all my troubles behind. Overlooking the mass of trees lining the pack house, I sigh and tap away the burning ash of the used cigarette. Jessica would be fucking pissed if she saw me right now.

I stub out the cigarette in the ash tray and move to take out another cigarette. I place the death stick between my lips and light it up, the small fire doing nothing to light up the dark night. With every puff I took, I hoped for a sense of calmness which would allow me to finally have a plan, to know what the fuck I was going to do. The calmness settled in for a few seconds, but just like my happiness, it fades and leaves behind a dark and empty soul.

The strong act that I always keep up is crumbling. I was only accepting it now. I had no clue what to do.

It's a rare phenomenon, me not knowing what to do. But now, after the acceptance of cluelessness, panic was beginning to settle in.

Vampires.

Rogues.

A fucking witch.

What do I do?

We're definitely outnumbered and outgunned. They have an abundance of power that I cannot even comprehend. What is there to do? Get alliances with neighbouring packs? That can only do so much. With them finding out that the enemy has vampires and a witch on their side, it's likely they will not want to help us.

Times like this, I wish I was as wise as my father. He was noble, respected and ultimately a great Alpha. No matter what predicament he came across, he always managed to find a reasonable answer to the problem. He'd know what to do.

"FUCK." I growl loudly, stubbing my halfway smoked cigarette out, I move to smoke another one. Maybe if I smoke enough, I'll die and not have to deal with this shit. Rubbing my hand down my tired face, I shake my head.

No, I have a pack and a mate waiting for me. I have to take responsibility and protect them with all I've got even if it means leading them to defeat. A sense of longing hit me, the longing to have a long unproblematic life with Jessica, the longing to have my parents back beside me, the longing to just be happy. Why can't I have that?

I inhale the smoke again, leaning against the balcony. I must look crazed, standing butt naked on my balcony smoking a cigarette every minute. I had demolished one packet and was halfway through my second. If only it was easy to just be calm all the time, maybe I should invest in weed instead.

So deep in my thoughts, I didn't even hear Jessica open the patio doors and step outside next to me. "What the fuck Zander?!" I heave a heavy sigh, not mentally ready for the argument that would surely ensue.

I decide to ignore her and pull the cigarette that's resting in between my fingers and lift it to my mouth. It's not able to reach my lips as Jessica rips it from my hand and stubs it out.

I can almost feel the anger radiating off of her as she sees how many I've used. "Zander, we were making progress with how much you smoked, what happened?" Her voice was soft but firm, she was trying hard not to snap at me.

"I'm stressed."

"Then speak to me, don't just-" She pauses, takes a deep breath and continues, "What are you stressed about?" She places a hand on my arm, rubbing it softly, her soft, warm hand contrasting with my cold bicep.