Roommates » [Luke Patterson]-Au

Chapter 31

Tanna Carson

My eyes slowly started fluttering open at the sound of the noises
gradually filtering back through my ears.

I reach my arms out in front of me, pushing my legs further away from my body as I take a second to stretch before sitting up and rubbing my eyes slightly.

At the lack of sunlight shining through the curtains, I furrow my eyebrows, wondering how long I'd been asleep for.

I look over to my phone, tapping the screen to check the time. As 10:00 pm flashes across the screen my eyes widen slightly in shock before I swing my feet off the side of the bed.

After sleeping for eleven hours straight, my body made it clear how desperately it needed the sleep I kept depriving it of.

I walk into my bathroom, tying my hair up into a bun and out of my face before leaning over the sink.

Just as I'm about to turn the tap on, my eyes get caught on my reflection in the mirror, noticing the smudged mascara and the bags resting underneath my puffy eyes.

I sigh, leaning down and splashing my face with cold water, waking me up a bit more before grabbing a towel and patting my face dry.

After having a quick and very much needed shower, I threw on a pair of pyjama shorts as well as one of Alex's hoodies before making my way downstairs towards the TV room.

I walk through the archway, entering the TV room where my mom sits on the couch by herself with a book in her hand.

"Hey ma, can I come sit with you for a bit?" My moms head lifts quickly at the sound of my voice and she nods with a genuine smile.

"Of course honey." I walk across the room, moving to sit right next to her. After sitting down I cross my legs underneath myself before taking my hair out of the bun it was in.

She continues reading her book while running her hand through my hair as I rest my head on her shoulder in silence.

"Ma, have you ever missed someone you know you shouldn't?" The words leave my mouth just above a whisper, making my mom close the book, her finger keeping her place as she rests it in her lap.

"Well, I think you can say I've been through something like that, but it always made me think that if you can't get someone out of your mind, maybe they're supposed to be there."

"Even if they've hurt you?" I say softly, hearing my mom sigh as she gathers an idea of what I'm talking about.

"It's scary how someone can hurt you so much, yet they're the one person you always seem to want to run back to."

"Is it a bad thing?"

"It can be, but not always. You know, When I first met your father, he had me wrapped around his finger. As much as I'd like to tell you that it was this perfect, love at first sight, ideal relationship, it wasn't.

We fought a lot and he hurt me every single time, but no matter how hard I tried to stay away, I could never stay away long enough. Now look where we are." I smile lightly at the thought of my parents still happily married and in love after all these years.

"But what if it's not like that? What if it's just this pain that's breaking you down from the inside that you just can't seem to get rid of? What if it never gets past that?"

"We don't really know unless we try, but honey, what I can tell you is that it may hurt, it may get hard and confusing at times, but you'll be able to figure it out eventually. If you know it's worth it, you'll push through it no matter what happens."

"I don't even know what I want anymore or what's worth it. I feel so lost." I run my hand over my face in distress before continuing to talk. "It's like all I crave is the sound of his voice, that's stupid right?"

"Not stupid at all, I think it's rather sweet." She says making me scoff softly, not wanting to offend her.

"He was so sweet, that's just who he is. Whenever we spent time together, I always felt genuinely happy even when we just sat there in silence, keeping each other company. I-maybe I was wrong for assuming anything because although it meant so much to me, it meant nothing to him."

"It's hard to tell what other people are thinking when they do certain things."

"He said it himself and I can't seem to shake it out of my head. You can't mess up something that never meant anything."

"Boys say stupid things sometimes that they don't mean." She says softly as her hand continues to run through my hair soothingly. "You know what, they actually say them more often then not."

I can't help but giggle softly at her words which makes her laugh as well.

"Honey, I don't want you to think I'm in any means defending this boy, because I'm not, he hurt my little girl and that's not okay in the slightest, but you seem to really have taken a liking to him."

"I lost someone I was never even with to begin with yet it hurts, just as bad. Why do I have to be so weak?"

"You are anything but weak. This is all part of life and it's okay to feel the way you are, it's how you learn and grow."

"Then why can't I get his blue eyes and stupidly mesmerizing voice out of his head."

"I can't blame you. You've been living in that house with those three boys for months now."

"What?" I ask confused, lifting my head up, turning to look at my mom with furrowed eyebrows as she chuckles softly. "How'd you know it was one of them?"

"You think after living with those boys all this time that nothing would have come out of it."

"Girls and boys can be friends you know." I say pointedly as she nods in response.

"Maybe, but with the way you look at Luke, I just know." My eyes widen at the mention of his name causing my mom to laugh softly.

"You knew?"

"Of course your father and I knew, you didn't have to tell us for us to see the way in pictures and FaceTime calls you two were always looking at each other or always with each other."

"Ugh, honestly I feel stupid for holding onto something that keeps hurting me." I wipe away the tears using the sleeves of Alex's sweater before sighing.

"You don't need to rush anything honey. You're here now and you have time to think and see what it is you really want. In the end you'll choose what's best for you."

"What If I don't know what's best for me?"