Letting go of self-restraint 2 - All that is missing is a little one

Chapter 34

Wei Wuxian woke up, confused, his head fuzzy. It took him a while to understand what his eyes were looking at; he saw an unfamiliar ceiling and he tried to remember just how he got here: "I have found Wen Ning near the creek and took him to the cave. After that, I let myself believe him and went with him for the sake of the baby. I think I started panicking somewhere along the way and wanted to go back. Then I heard Jiang Cheng scolding me and I was really cold. Then I think I had a bath?

What is happening? Where am I? I do not remember coming into any buildings... But I am clearly in one now since I cannot see the sky anymore nor the cave's ceiling. How did I get here? Did Wen Ning manage to bring me to Yiling after all? I can somehow feel that the baby is alright, I am glad; I have believed that he would not hurt it. Did he also keep his promise about not telling the others? Or are they already on their way..."

He did not know how much of all that were true memories and what was only his imagination and more importantly, he did not know whether the others have been informed or not. He started panicking again immediately, still looking at the ceiling while his breaths were becoming shallower and his eyes unfocused.

He was torn out of his thoughts and panic by a hand being placed gently on his wrist and Wen Ning's silent voice: "Young Master Wei, how are you feeling?"

He turned his head and the younger boy came into his view. He was glad the Dafan Wen doctor was at his side, he managed a smile while replying: "Ah, Wen Ning, I am doing great. Better than before actually. How long is it since you brought me back?"

"It has been two days," came Wen Ning's answer, upon seeing the older boy's confused expression, he quickly elaborated, "you have collapsed just outside the forest. We have brought you here, this is an inn in Yiling. You have slept for almost two days. You must have been truly exhausted. You should eat something, I will go fetch you a meal and some warm tea."

The younger boy started getting up but Wei Wuxian quickly grabbed his robes and made him turn back to face him. He could not have not notice that Wen Ning said 'we' instead of 'I', that clearly meant there was at least one other person who knew about his current whereabouts. The Yunmeng Jiang disciple did not know if he should first inquire about the other person's identity and hope it was someone who would not harm the baby or run away immediately, hoping not to be caught right off the bat.

He did not want to run anymore, he was too drained, emotionally and physically, to be able to continue living like he did this last month. And more importantly, as Wen Ning pointed out, he would be putting the unborn child in danger. He braced himself and asked: "Who knows?"

The younger boy seemed to understand perfectly what he was talking about despite the fact he did not give any details. He kneeled back down beside the bed and gently untangled Wei Wuxian's hand from his robes to take it between his own hands in a reassuring gesture. "Young Master Wei, please remain calm. I did not break my promise to you on purpose, it was out of sheer necessity. After you collapsed, my heat started and I could not take you here on my own. That is when Jiang Cheng came running after he had smelled my pheromones. Nothing could have been done; you were in a life threatening condition and we had to act quickly, it was your brother who transported you here.

Apparently, he had met Young Master Nie when he came looking for the inn. I have only learned about that when Jiang Cheng came back for me and I have met Young Master Nie here, he was taking care of you in the meantime. No one else knows, I swear. You are safe with us."

Wei Wuxian's hand grew cold in Wen Ning's hold: "There are already so many people who know and even touched me when I was unconscious... But... none of them took advantage of my vulnerable state to harm the baby. Perhaps I was really overreacting, running away as I did. Perhaps... perhaps I could believe in them, they already had an opportunity and they did not use it. Madame Yu said that the one responsible needs to take care of the unpleasant situation. This time it is clearly Lan Zhan, so they would probably not do anything."

He wanted to believe them so badly; he had already enough of his cowardice, he did not want to be alone anymore now that he was reminded that are people who care about him.

The long time it took him to gather his thoughts must have made Wen Ning uncomfortable as the younger boy's eyes grew even more worried: "Young Master Wei? I am sorry I have not kept my promise. But it could not have been helped... And you and the baby are safe now, that is all that should matter at the moment. We can figure everything out later, once you have eaten."

True to the Dafan Wen disciple's words, Wei Wuxian's stomach growled loudly. All tension fell off the Yunmeng Jiang sect disciple as he laughed in relief: "You are right, Wen Ning, thank you for protecting me. I am sorry for overreacting; I find myself more emotional than ever these past months... I do not mind that the others know, as long as they do not mean any harm to the baby." His stomach growled again, more fiercely this time. "Right, I would like to take you up on that offer of food; I am starving."

Wen Ning relaxed and smiled with him. Before leaving the room to go fetch something to eat, he helped the older boy to sit up and put several pillows under his back to make him comfortable. Wei Wuxian was thankful for his thoughtfulness, he was still feeling dizzy and he did not know whether he would have been able to sit up by himself at the moment. He could however feel that he was already stronger and less exhausted than before coming to Yiling.

The Dafan Wen doctor was right all along, he needed a good rest and some food. He put both hands on his belly and felt the child moving. He was content, he could only wish for one more thing: having his other most important person here with him to enjoy this moment together. He vividly remembered the dreams he just had in which Lan Zhan was whispering reassurances and in which he had clearly accepted Wei Wuxian's pregnancy and was even happy about it.

Hope started growing inside of him and he wanted to believe it badly: "Wen Ning, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huisang accepted my pregnancy so easily without any problems and did not hurt me or the baby. Perhaps... Could Lan Zhan actually do the same? If I promise to stay put until the baby is born and then put it up for adoption, no one would know about the shame I have caused and Lan Zhan would not have to get rid of our child; it would be as if it never existed in the first place. If no one knew, then it would surely be alright. And I could be with Lan Zhan again and not cause him anymore worries and pain... Would Lan Zhan indulge me in my selfishness?"

This line of thoughts hurt and he knew he was being extremely selfish by wanting both the child and Lan Zhan's love and proximity at the same time, he could however not help himself. Both his body and soul yearned for his soulmate but he still wanted to keep the baby safe. And Lan Zhan was so righteous and so good to him, he could almost picture him accepting the baby despite every tradition, prejudice or common sense.

"Could there really be such a dream-like hope for me? I know I am acting foolishly... But... But... it would be a dream come true if we could raise our child together. I would love it so much to proudly show it to the whole world and let them see the happiness it had given me."