Letting go of self-restraint 2 - All that is missing is a little one

Chapter 5

"It is about Wuxian, am I right? What happened?"

Lan Wangji was still battling with himself to find the right words to explain. Lan Xichen reached out and squeezed one of his hands in support, he understood how frustrating and demanding this must have been for his brother, displaying emotions and talking about his worries instead of keeping everything to himself as usual.

His brother took deep breath and finally the words were coming out of his mouth like an avalanche: "Wei Ying is not eating enough, not sleeping well, not talking to me. He closed off out mental bond. Brother... please, help... I-I do not know what to do." His voice cracked towards the end and if the First Jade did not know any better he would think that his brother was crying.

Lan Xichen was surprised, he rarely heard Lan Wangji talk this much, it showed clearly just how worried about his soulmate he was: "I am so proud of Wangji, he came a long way. A year back, he would not have been able to explain himself; he would have never come to me, he would have tried to deal with everything himself. I am happy he is finally coming out of his shell, it is a pity that it had to be for a reason such as this one.

He already told me that Wuxian was not eating well but it is becoming concerning, it is taking too long now. He just barely recovered some weight after all that Yu Ziyuan made him endure. He was extremely emaciated when he first came to Cloud Recess. I thought he was already doing well but I guess not. What could be the reason? Even if he does not like the food Wangji is preparing for him, he should know the consequences of prolonged starvation the best. Or could it be he just does not know any other way? He did not really get to know the sensation of always having a full stomach until now...

It is also the reason for why he is not sleeping well? Could he be too hungry to be able to rest properly during the night? I have seen him yawning all day long, and once, I have even caught him dozing off in the middle of the Library pavilion. He must truly be tired if he allowed himself to be this vulnerable in a public place; he is always so wary of strangers getting to know his true second gender, Cloud Recess is hosting guest disciples again after all... Or could it be that he cannot sleep because he is haunted by nightmares and ghosts of his past? That is perhaps the most probable explanation. His lack of appetite can come from lack of sleep as well...

If he had cut the mental bond between himself and Wangji, that would be one more evidence for this hypothesis. I guess he is trying to protect Wangji against something terrible. But what can it be? He had become a lot less secretive about his past and shared with Wangji and even me his memories. Could it be there is something even more horrible that is still weighing him down? What can we do to help?"

Once he regained his composure a bit, he faced Lan Wangji and inquired: "Wangji, where is Wuxian now? I think it would be for the best if we go see him and try to talk to him, let us see if he could confide in us. I suspect he is haunted by his past again; he is lost in the darkness and does not want to worry us, we need to show him support, we need to get him to understand that we care and that we are ready to listen to him whenever he decides to talk."

After a short reflexion, Lan Xichen added: "It would also be good to have him see a doctor. Lack of appetite and sleep can be terrible for his mental state. If he cannot rest well, his fears could become exaggerated in his eyes. We should go to the healers right now and pick up some sleeping pills for him on our way. Unfortunately, I am sure that if we told him to go himself, he would refuse, he still does not want to be treated because the doctors would be able to tell instantly that he is an Omega. Let us go."

***

Wei Wuxian started with a violent flinch, he was still deep in his nightmare and he could feel a touch on his shoulder. He gave out a terrified shriek, slapped the menacing hand and scrambled away. Horrible bloody images still flashing before his eyes, he was slowly led to reality by two worried voices.

It took him a while to understand the situation: he was huddled in the corner, cowering under a protective blanket and Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen standing in the middle of the room with concerned expressions. He was breathing shallowly and his heartbeats were frantic. He looked all around but could not see anyone beside the Twin Jades, he breathed out a sigh of relief and started slowly calming down.

The two others were observing him attentively, still tense, they did not try to approach him. After several minutes, Lan Xichen cautiously asked: "Are you alright now, Wuxian?"

The Yunmeng Jiang disciple managed a crooked smile as he nodded, he did not quite yet believe his voice to not sound terrified or to not crack.

This time it was Lan Zhan who spoke with pained and worried voice: "Wei Ying, what is wrong?"

The younger boy knew that he had to come out to them with a plausible lie. They would not leave him be without an explanation; and he could not very well tell them the truth, he was still hoping he was mistaken about his condition: "I want to tell them what is on my mind so much. I want them to reassure me as they did so many times already. I want them to accept the truth and say that it is alright, that they would not do anything. But I cannot... What if they would react as Madame Yu did when she had discovered? Lan Zhan then would have to take responsibility and... No! I cannot cause him such pain."

Wei Wuxian cleared his throat, smiled as if he did not just snap and cause a scene and gave a half-lie: "It is nothing, just some old memories coming back to me in my sleep. I am sorry I have worried you. I will be alright with some more rest." He did not mention that another attempt at sleep would be most certainly still disturbed by his night terrors coming back.

Lan Zhan gave an exasperated sigh: "Wei Ying..."

The Yunmeng Jiang disciple kept their mental bond firmly closed for weeks now, he was sorry that the Second Jade could not express himself openly anymore, he could however not risk him finding out. It was Lan Xichen who translated his brother's worries: "Wuxian, I was told that you have not been sleeping well and have hardly been eating for a long time already."

The younger boy blushed in shame and looked away feeling guilty. The First Jade's continued more gently as he slowly approached the still scrunched Yunmeng Jiang disciple until he kneeled beside him: "I do not blame you for not telling us. I know you are still reluctant to ask for help. It is alright, you will get there. Just know that we will be here for you whenever you ask. As for your current problem, are you really sure there is nothing wrong except the lack of sleep? If you need to see a doctor, we could certainly manage to get Miss Wen or her brother to come to Cloud Recess and examine you. Do not worry, unless it would be absolutely necessary, we will not force you to go see our Gusu Lan sect doctors against your will."

Wei Wuxian's heart melted hearing again just how much his new family cared about him. He felt terrible for deceiving them; then again, perhaps he was not, perhaps it really was just a lack of sleep. He wanted to believe that so much, he felt almost convinced himself.

"I am sure, Brother Xichen. I just need to get a nice long whole night's sleep. It will be hard at this point, but as exhausted as my body is, I am sure I can manage. My appetite should be also back then; I am so tired these days that I do not really feel like eating anything." Wei Wuxian winced at the prospect of more horrible dreams that surely awaited him when he would close his eyes.

Lan Xichen smiled kindly and put a small sachet into the younger boy's hand: "We already figured as much. This should help to keep the nightmares at bay."

Wei Wuxian smiled, immensely thankful, and accepted the gift with a polite bow.