Letting go of self-restraint 2 - All that is missing is a little one

Chapter 9

"Wei Ying, stay here."

Immediately after letting those words out of his mouth, Lan Wangji knew they were wrong: "No! I did not want to say it like this! Now Wei Ying will surely misunderstand. I need to quickly correct myself, explain what I actually wanted to say... If I leave it like this, he would be hurt, it would surely crash what little self-confidence and self-esteem he had managed to build up during our time together. Urh, if only I could talk to him directly! But he is still shutting me out for whatever reason..."

He was proven correct when the Yunmeng Jiang disciple froze on the spot, expectation that was apparent in his very posture replaced by deep hurt in his eyes as he was taken off guard. He tried to quickly put his usual smiling mask on, although the shock must have been too great, he failed miserably, his face stayed completely blank.

The younger boy gasped for air, opened his mouth to say something, nothing came out. He repeated the process a few more times. Lan Wangji reached out his hand and approached him to reassure him. Wei Ying quickly retreated out of his reach and finally managed to find his voice, small, trembling, hurt: "Lan Zhan, why are you saying this? Did we not agree that we would take care of this together?"

The Second Jade saw how his soulmate's eyes were becoming teary, he wanted to reassure him; to negate his previous statement, to cradle his beloved in his arms and to protect him: "I only want Wei Ying to be safe and not to overexert himself when he is not feeling good. I do not want him to put himself in danger like this. I know his self-sacrificial tendencies well; when he wants to help someone he will do so without regards for his own well-being and safety... I have seen it more than once. I just want him to understand that he does not have to push himself, I want him to take better care of himself."

Lan Wangji wanted to slap himself in the face and go hide in a corner when all he managed to get past his lips was a simple: "You are weak."

Tears finally fell from Wei Ying's eyes as he lowered his head in defeat and mumbled more to himself than to the other with deep desperation: "Am I not good enough? Is that it? Do you not trust me to have your back? I know I am not at my greatest right now, but I can still take care of myself and protect you. I promise I will try my very best! I went to night hunts when my body was in even worse shape than now, I can handle it. The people here... I cannot let them suffer one more night because I am a bit tired. That would be truly selfish of me."

"Ridiculous." The older boy could not believe his ears. "Wei Ying, why would you say this? Of course I think you are good enough, aside for you, I do not know many other cultivators who I would without a second thought allow to guard my back. You are brilliant and strong! I know you care very much for the people of this village, I want to help them too... not at the expense of your safety however. How can I get you to understand that?" Lan Wangji's own desperation was also growing, he was struggling with his words even more then normally.

He looked the Yunmeng Jiang disciple in the eyes in one last attempt to get through to him, he tried to communicate with his eyes. To no avail, what Wei Ying saw was apparently too much for him. With a heart-breaking sob, he fled, his sword still in his hand.

The Second Jade stood frozen for several seconds, his brain was processing the information that he was left alone in the room. After he finally recovered his bearings, he grabbed his own weapon and run after the younger boy, dark and heavy thoughts filling his mind.

***

Wei Wuxian run out of the room as quickly as he could manage with tears blurring his vision and head spinning from the shock. He did not want anyone to see him in this state, he hopped onto the inn's roof, crashed down to his knees and put one hand over his mouth to muffle his sobbing.

"Does Lan Zhan really think I am useless? Was he only humouring me until now? These last few weeks, he only saw how weak I am. I thought I could lean on him, I thought we were equals who would fight on the same ground. He was being so kind and he was treating me so good; I got ahead of myself... He has probably gotten tired of my annoying and weak self.

I am a lowly Omega after all, I should stay at home and out of trouble, I should not be so arrogant and proclaim I want to go on night hunts and behave like I was something better than I really am. I am this weak now, of course Lan Zhan would not like to be forced to take care of me. Stupid me! He could have gotten hurt because of me! What would I do then? I would surely be evicted from Cloud Recess for endangering the second heir to the Gusu Lan sect.

It does not matter; I will take care of this on my own. After all, I am used to it, Madame Yu insisted regularly that I go on night hunts alone, I am quite sure it would be alright... And if not, well, Lan Zhan can probably find a better husband, easier to handle, gentler and more Omega-like than me. Someone who could give him an heir, someone Lan Qiren and the other Gusu Lan sect elders would approve of..."

He did not want to think about this anymore, it was too painful. He should rather think about the scared villagers and his and Lan Zhan's main goal in coming here; the poor people were scared and defenceless, they were counting on them to help them. He pulled himself together, wiped away his tears and made his way to the nearby forest. "Good thing, that the old lady told us where to go find the beast, the forest is really vast, I would not even know where to start."

He was very cautious when clearing his way in the thick vegetation, since the beast was attacking the village every night, it would probably already be on its way. It has gotten dark while he and Lan Zhan were having dinner, the forest was very silent, unnaturally so. He climbed a tree to hide, the beast must have been close.

He was staying still on his branch, breathing quietly and evenly, trying to not attract any unwanted attention and straining his eyes to look for tonight's enemy. Suddenly, he heard a low growling noise and cracking of small branches, it was getting closer and closer. Now he could see an enormous shadow slowly approaching the tree he was hiding in. It was so big that its head was on the same level with him.

He started doubting he could really take care of it on his own, but he would try, he would protect the innocent even if it should cost him his life. If he was not here anymore, Lan Zahn could get a more suitable cultivation partner. Sure, they would not be fated soulmates but at least the person would probably be less of a troublemaker and emotional mess than he ever would be.

The beast stopped in its tracks, only two meters or so from the tree where Wei Wuxian was hardly breathing anymore. It sniffed in the air and tilted its head in the boy's direction; it knew he was there. He could still not see clearly its every characteristic, it was a dark night and the moon was hidden by clouds. The monster took a step towards him.

He thought it could not get any worse, until the clouds cleared and the moon revealed the beast in all its glory, and Wei Wuxian finally saw what he was against.