Letting go of self-restraint 2 - All that is missing is a little one

Chapter 18

Lan Xichen closed his eyes to collect himself, Wen Ning have just confirmed what he had already deduced from Lan Wangji's list of his soulmate's odd behaviours. Although the news were happy ones, he could not help himself but to worry: "Does Wuxian know about his conditions? If yes, why did he try to hide it from us until now? Surely he could not have thought that the baby would not be welcomed... I hope Miss Wen or Young Master Wen had introduced him to the basics of pregnancy when we did not.

Or perhaps... does he not know about himself being pregnant and is then wondering what is happening to him? I am sure that he did not receive any sound upbringing in this field when he was under the influence of Yu Ziyuan. In Cloud Recess we have also overlooked this aspect of his education; moreover, Wangji is not knowledgeable in this field either so that is most probably why he did not recognize the signs. It has already been months since their marriage, we should have acted sooner!

I should have thought of it earlier and explain to him better! True, we had more pressing matters at that time, helping Wuxian recover and then the marriage arrangements, but it still is no excuse... We let him struggle on his own again. I am sorry Wuxian, I should have noticed you were distressed. Well, we cannot change the past now, we can only help in future. We need to fix things in the present, we need to explain to Wuxian in detail what is happening.

I was convinced that we were already over the stage when he was not ready to confide in us about his problems and fears. I guess I was mistaken. I knew something was wrong when Wangji came to consult me but I paid it little mind. I should have known better, Wuxian tends to hide everything unpleasant and make light of his worries... We need to speak about this as well, I want him to know that we are here for him and that he can confide in us and seek advice in his times of need."

Any hopes that Wei Wuxian had at least basic information from the Wen siblings were crushed when Wen Ning asked: "Did Young Master Wei receive any education about pregnancy when he was in Cloud Recess? I am worried he does not know what is happening to him. He did not know anything about bonding between an Alpha and an Omega right until the marriage, I had to explain to him just before the ceremony... Sister and I did not talk to him about this matter; well, we should have, I know, but at that time it was just not the right moment and we did not see each other afterwards and explaining it in a letter would have been..."

Lan Xichen saw how distressed the young Dafan Wen disciple was, he put a hand on his forearm to stop his nervous litany and reassured him: "Young Master Wen, it is not your fault. I did not think about breaching this topic with Wuxian either. Now, we can however correct our mistake." He turned to his brother and asked: "Wangji, where is Wuxian now? We need to make sure he understands what is happening. We should..."

He stopped abruptly when he realized that his brother was still frozen in shock from the revelation and was not listening to him whatsoever. Only after a long while of calling his name and shaking his shoulders did Lan Wangji finally manage to focus and looked at them with terror in his eyes. Lan Xichen's worries went over the roof when he asked again where Wei Wuxian was.

"Not in our room." The Second Jade's response left them all frantic and concerned.

"Wangji, when did you last see him?" Lan Xichen did not want to think anything was amiss but a heavy and dark feeling was growing in his stomach; a bad premonition making itself known. He knew it was probably absurd to be so concerned but the Yunmeng Jiang disciple was behaving really strangely the previous evening, going from friend to friend, from group to group, as if he was preparing for not seeing them for a long time. Which could have very well been because he was returning to Cloud Recess. Lan Xichen tried to calm himself down, to no avail.

***

Lan Wangji was also fighting a personal battle; he was getting more and more restless, he had to find Wei Ying right away and assure himself that his soulmate was safe and sound. The bad premonition from the morning when he woke up to an empty room was letting itself known once again. A horrible feeling of dread was slowly gaining his whole being. He had no patience to answer his brother's questions, he had to look for Wei Ying right this moment.

He turned on his heels, not paying any mind to the inquiring and surprised shouts behind him and run back to his room hoping that his soulmate would be there. On his way, he thought back at the previous evening and his conversation with the younger boy which at that time did not seem to have any profound meaning but now it was painfully obvious to the Second Jade that Wei Ying was distressed and up to something.

*** Flashback start ***

Lan Wangji and Wei Ying got back to their room, they were both exhausted from the lively festivities and their journey so they decided to retire first. The Second Jade offered to take a bath together to wash away the dust of the day but his soulmate would not hear any of it, he was whining that he was too tired. The Second Jade abandoned his efforts and went to quickly wash himself.

When he got back, he heard sniffling from their room. He burst inside, worried that something happened or that Wei Ying was having another one of his nightmares. He was surprised to find his husband sitting on the bed, looking extremely sad, tears running down his cheeks. He did not know what exactly was wrong but he could clearly see that the younger boy was suffering for he was huddled into himself, his hands on his stomach and knees protectively raised to his chin.

He approached the bed only to be finally spotted by his soulmate who quickly dried his tears and put on a forced smile: "Ah, sorry Lan Zhan, I was just too overwhelmed by Shijie's pregnancy. I am too happy for her. The relationship she had built with that peacock is extraordinary, they really are in love, you know? Just as we are. I love you Lan Zhan; no matter what happens. Never forget that."

"Mn, I love you too, Wei Ying, forever" Lan Wangji agreed tenderly and went to hug the other boy.

Wei Ying's smile became relieved as he pulled them both to lay down and covered them with a blanket, snuggling closer to Lan Wangji's chest. "Forever," he whispered more to himself than to the other.

*** Flashback end ***

Looking back now, Wei Ying's words sounded like a farewell.

He flew into the room but it was still empty; his heart sank. He looked around for any indication where his beloved could have gone to. The only trace of the Yunmeng Jiang disciple's lacking presence was the absence of his sword on the table. Which could mean anything, Wei Ying would have brought his sword wherever he was going, he could still be somewhere in Lotus Pier despite Lan Wangji's heart telling him the opposite.

He turned back to go search the entire town if he had to, only to be stopped by a solemn looking Lan Xichen and Wen Ning soothing a young servant girl who was crying, apparently at the sight of the Second Jade. Lan Wangji realized that his expression was probably what frightened her, but he could not control himself right now, not when Wei Ying could be anywhere.

Lan Xichen shielded the girl from him and talked to her, then he dismissed her. He approached his brother and put a letter into his hand. Lan Wangji could not understand why anything else than finding Wei Ying should be important to him right now, he had to go search for his soulmate immediately. The First Jade held him in place and was talking urgently to him, waving at the letter.

The Gusu Lan sect disciple finally looked down to the letter in his hand; it was addressed to him. He recognized immediately his husband's handwriting and opened the letter with vigour. A silent tear fell onto the paper as he read the two sentences inscribed inside:

I will be back as soon as I can

I love you