Weak | S.R

Allie

When I wake up, I immediately notice that I'm snuggled up to Spencer's side, my arm draped over him and my head on his chest.

I scoot away from him and his eyes follow me as I move back over to my side of the bed.

"Sorry," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up.

Spencer shakes his head. "You've always done that— cuddling up to me in your sleep. I didn't want to wake you up because you were sleeping so well."

I was. This is the first night in a long time that I've gotten a good night's sleep.

I lay across from him, looking back at his ever-tired, brown eyes.

This feels right— laying here with him.

I told him I still loved him last night, after he fell asleep. I can't tell him to his face because I'm still kind of scared to restart everything— even though I really want to.

I can get over the nanny. I can forgive him for that because I truly believe that he wouldn't do it again. It was a weird set of circumstances.

And I know he loves me. I can tell just how much he loves me.

Maybe that's why me being gone was so hard on him.

With Maeve's death, he was left to dwell on what could have been with her. The future he planned out was wiped away instantaneously.

With me... he had a taste of a life together. He'd gotten the almost-wife, the house, the kids. He had it all, with all of it looking to get better and better each day. He got moments with me that he didn't get with Maeve.

I think losing me broke him into pieces.

Especially with how it almost ended. What he said to me before I left that day.

How cruel would it be to not forgive him? Should I have expected him to spend his entire life waiting for me? Clinging onto memories with a lifeless partner in the hospital?

"It's... almost nine o'clock. I'm gonna start us some breakfast. How do waffles sound?" Spencer asks softly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I nod at him. "That sounds good."

I watch as he gets up and heads toward the door. If everything was normal, he'd give me a kiss before leaving the room. Or he'd pull me out of bed and we'd both be laughing. Maybe he would pick me up and carry me down the stairs.

I want him back. I want to be with him.

I just wish I knew it would be okay— that we could work through everything and come back stronger than we ever were.

I wish the universe would give me a sign of some sort.

Anything to ease my mind. To let me know that going back to him is the right thing to do.

"Oh," He stops in the doorway and turns around. "Chocolate chips or blueberries?"

I can't help but to smile. "Surprise me."

He just smiles back at me before heading out of the room.

I get up out of bed once he leaves and head for my closet to get dressed.

I don't think about my outfit all too much, just grab something that I've probably worn a million times. White cropped shirt with the rainbow pleated skirt that I sewed together myself. After putting on some light makeup and making my hair look decent, I head downstairs.

Just as I'm heading into the kitchen, Spencer turns the corner and crashes into me. Hot liquid burns my chest. His coffee.

I let out a low hiss and pat at my chest. "Shit, that's hot!"