Weak | S.R

Allie

"It seems like you and Spencer may not be communicating effectively," I hear as I stare down at my fingernails-- aimlessly picking at my cuticles. "Am I right to assume that?"

It feels stupid to me to be in couples therapy. What if she just tells me we weren't meant to work out from the very beginning? What if she tells me we should call it quits?

I know that it might bring us back to where we need to be, and bring us closer together... but part of me is terrified that it will do the opposite.

Spencer found a highly-rated therapist in Annandale, not too far from home. Dr. Ferris-- but she has so graciously told me I can call her Kelly.

"I think there's room to improve," I tell her. "I know that I need to get better at communicating. I think Spencer could, too."

Kelly nods and gazes down at her paper. I'm thinking that this paper she's been eyeing during her one-on-one talk with me has notes from her talk with Spencer on it. He's waiting in the lobby now-- I opted to go second because I was nervous.

"There's a sizeable difference in age between you and Spencer. Sixteen years?" Her tone almost comes across as judgmental-- but maybe it's because I'm not in the mood to pick apart everything. "Can you tell me about how you met-- what made you fall in love with him initially?"

A little smile tugs at my lips. "His brain. He's so smart. He can be funny, too. And cute. God, he does this thing where he'll be trying to tell me about something that he loves or just knows a ton about and he'll go on the longest tangent and sometimes get onto a completely different subject and it is so..." I can't help but to beam, thinking about his little passionate rambles. I let out a happy sigh. "It's so him.  He's selfless... and he makes me feel beautiful. Makes me feel important."

"What frustrated you about him?" She questions, writing something down on her paper.

I take a deep breath, my smile fading. I try to think about the question as I bite at the skin on the inside of my cheek. "Well, I guess, in the beginning... I was always sort of second best to this girl Maeve. She was his first love, so to say, and she was killed in front of him. He wouldn't say he loved me for the longest time and it just always seemed like... I was getting pushed aside because of his feelings for this dead girl. We got past it, but... sometimes I still worry that I'm not good enough. That I don't really live up to her."

"Why do you think that you don't live up to Maeve?"

I laugh at the question and roll my eyes. "Because she was just like him. They could talk all... intellectually-- and I'm not saying that I can't hold an intellectual conversation! I can, I just... couldn't really talk about scholarly articles and Sherlock Holmes."

"She was just like him?" Kelly raises an eyebrow at me.

I nod almost dramatically. "Yeah! Like, it was the same software with a different case. Like, whoever hardwires our personalities and brains just got lazy and slapped Spencer Reid's brain into a woman's body. They got along so well, could talk to each other about anything..."

"And you and him can't?"

I shake my head. "Well, we can, it's just... sometimes I still get scared that I'm not as stimulating for him and his big brain."

I can't tell if the look on her face is pity or if she thinks I'm stupid.

"I'd want to invite Spencer in, is that okay with you?" She asks me, standing up from her chair.

Nodding, I look back down at my nails.

I hear the door open and look up to see Spencer coming in.

I don't know why, but it feels like the first time I'm seeing him. I take a breath and take in his appearance.