good things fall apart • sirius black

25th January 1975

How are you Cubs? How's Cyrus? And how's mum and dad?

We're not really doing anything mischievous without you, so don't think we've forgotten your brilliance. In fact, things are quite relaxed. Or as relaxed as you can be when Lily Evans is constantly on at you about homework. I still love her though, but that never changes.

I can't really say that the relaxed lifestyle suits me per se, not like it does Moony, because I miss your chaos. Things aren't exciting and ridiculous anymore. I miss us running a rampage through the school and screaming to records at the top of our lungs. I'm afraid not even Freddie Mercury can make Queen sound good without you here to enjoy it with. Even if you're having a Led Zeppelin day. Sirius really is a tosspot for making you like that music more and I won't deny it makes me feel betrayed by my own family.

Even Quidditch is rubbish. It pains me to say it, but the team's shit without you. We have no way of winning the cup and I don't like the Marauders being so outnumbered on the team. We used to dominate and now Darren Wayne thinks he can just replace you with some mediocre meat headed seventh year - I think not! It's an outrage and I'm debating starting a revolt. Maybe start my own team, where you'd always be star player (after me though, of course) - Potter's Panthers or Potter's Perfect Players. Something along those lines. I can be Captain, you and Sirius the Beaters and maybe we could coerce Peter and Remus to start playing, just for the Marauders headcount. Lily and Marlene would then get us to seven.

Honestly, why haven't I thought about this before?! Sat here writing you a crappy letter, when I could be changing our future! We'll be at the World Cup before you know it.

Me and Sirius got detention last week, no surprise. We hexed this random Ravenclaw Called Bertram Aubrey by accident. And it generally was an accident, I swear!

You know how Moony's got all those complicated spell books and we were just looking through them, messing about. How were we supposed to know it was illegal?! Besides, his head's not twice the size anymore. Though I do think his eyes are a little bigger than they once were.

I think Minnie's feeling sorry for us, because we should've got a worse punishment than we did, I know that. Who knew she was so soppy? She's only trying to be kind, all the teachers are, but it feels wrong. You're the one that's hurting the most and we shouldn't be taking all the pity. Though, I know, you'd not want any pity.

I just want things to go back to normal. How they used to be.

I wish I could rid the world of the bad that has done this to you Cubs and I wish I could be there with you to take away some of the pain. There's a heavy weight on my chest, one that won't remove itself as hard as I try, and it's because she's gone. It's because someone so cruel took her away. Took her away from you and now I feel like you're lost as well. As soon as I can, I'm coming straight to you. I'll distract you or hold you. Be stupid for you or cry with you. Whatever you need, I'll be there to help you through it.

We can face this like we've faced everything in life - together.

I've sent you my Quidditch blanket, because I have a feeling you're in more need of it than I am. It should smell like us all too, so you can shut your eyes and pretend you're here. I so wish you were.

My unbiological sister and best friend, Cubby, I love you.

Sending you endless wishes,
Jamie

•••

Deer Jamie,

I am okay, so is dad, and your mum and dad are fine too - please don't worry too much about us.

Hearing Lily is on at you about homework doesn't surprise me, all she was worried about in the letter she wrote to me was how I was going catch up on school work. I appreciate the concern though, and I love her all the same. But not as much as you love her, of course. Don't think I'm trying to steal the future Mrs Potter from you.

It also doesn't surprise me to hear that the lack of ridiculousness in your life isn't siting right with you either. James, you could never be relaxed even if you desperately wanted to be.

However, I am concerned for what you consider is relaxed, because using illegal hexes on random Ravenclaws doesn't sound very relaxed to me.

I would've loved to see you both do it though.

I'm not sure we've ever spent so much time apart, except for the odd holiday here and there, and it's very strange to me. I keep talking to myself, expecting you to be there and when I don't get a response, it reminds me of how far from each other we are. Your mum has been trying to get dad to agree to pull you out of school so you can come and be company for me, but he won't let it happen. He doesn't want you to be subject to all this too, but I so wish you were here. I need some of that distracting you offered, and some of your hugs too.

Whether I'll come back to school this year or not, I don't know, but I keep finding myself hoping for the summer holidays to come quicker, so you'll be here all the time. And I just want the weather too. Promise me that this summer well spend hours sunbathing in the garden, I feel completely drained of everything remotely golden.

I vote Potter's Perfect Players for the new Quidditch team. Whilst it's not really intimidating, I think it'll put people off. They'll be too confused trying to figure out whether we actually are as good as we claim, or whether we're just completely up ourselves.

Personally, I think it's a bit of both.

Thank you for your Quidditch blanket too, it means a lot you've sent such a prized possession, and I promise to look after it as best as I can.

Let me know you're okay, because I know you'll be hurting too, and as soon as you can come home, we'll face this together again.

The brother I never had, best friend, and overdramatic fool, I love you.

Sending my wishes in return,
Cubs