good things fall apart • sirius black

You've been so brave

Ellie had forgotten how to be vulnerable with Sirius, and in turn, the handsome boy hadn't needed to be vulnerable with anyone for so long he was out of practice. As usual, they'd failed to communicate and consequently fell apart.

This was how they were going to move forward again - there wasn't anything more vulnerable than getting naked in front of someone for the first time.

Only once they were shut in the en suit together did Ellie let go of Sirius' hand, turning her back on him for a moment to switch on the shower and allow the water to get warm. Then she was gazing at him again, so quickly he'd hardly had a second to catch his breath, and she never broke eye contact as she stripped down to her underwear. Sirius watched, statue-like and unable to form any words; there weren't enough eloquent prose or romantic poetry to describe her beauty. He'd make a fool of himself if he tried to compliment her, for she'd always intimidated him more than he'd care to admit, and the confidence that she stood before him wearing now was something he'd never have.

Sirius was in awe of her really, he always had been. Even before she'd had scars of her own, she'd looked at Remus' and called them gorgeous without hesitation. He wanted her to call him gorgeous like that. He wanted to stand bare and still have her look at him as she did when he was dressed, but Sirius knew she wouldn't.

Ever since he was small, his clothes had been his armour, and only when it had been absolutely necessary had he taken his top off in front of anyone. So why start now? A voice in his head said. She'll only turn away in disgust. Yet Sirius really wanted this moment with his girlfriend, he wanted what other couples got, all of it. He wanted to be touched and he wanted to be vulnerable like that, but years of never having been stood in his way now.

When Ellie reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, her eyes still boring into his, Sirius' hands shot out to grab her forearms. It was a thoughtless act of panic on his behalf, but he wouldn't have her undress if he wouldn't be able to return the favour, but thankfully, she didn't look fazed. Ellie arms simply fell back to her sides as she waited patiently for him to speak.

    "I can't take my top off." He mumbled, letting go of her rather reluctantly.

    "You're gonna have to unless you're showering in it." There was jest in her words, she was trying to keep it light, but her tone was still gentle. Ellie was asking him if he'd changed his mind and she wouldn't judge either way.

    "I don't think- You don't want me to."

Reaching slowly so he had time to see her hands coming, Ellie cupped his face.

    "Why not?"

    "Because it's-" Sirius struggled for an explanation, so many voices were screaming for him to keep this a secret, "You won't like what you see of me."

    "I love you, puppy."

He shook his head, avoiding her gaze.

    "What you've known so far."

When Sirius got like this, the boy full of himself turned insecure, every conversation they'd ever had might as well have not happened. Only minutes ago, Ellie had told him that she'd love him even when she was furious with him, and now he thought she'd turn away just based on his appearance. This was one of those moments where his love language was words of affirmation. She smoothed crescent moons under his eyes.

    "You are so wrong." She whispered, "I love all of you now, and I'll love all of you after this." Because Ellie was sure she had an idea why this was such a big deal for him.

Without warning, Sirius smashed his lips against hers as if her words had been all he'd needed to hear. His kisses were messy and needy, but this was him psyching himself up, and she wouldn't complain. When he pulled away, his eyes were still closed and his lips a darker shade of pink.