good things fall apart • sirius black

The handsome boy

Remus Lupin was sure the universe was playing a sick joke.

As a Werewolf, he'd never felt as if he deserved anyone's love, he'd always thought that keeping people at arm's length was safer. Yes, he'd had crushes; yes, he'd desperately wanted to get into a relationship before - everyone had. But he'd told himself repeatedly that bringing someone into his life like that would just put them at risk, and so shutting feelings down was something he found easy to do.

Shutting the world out in a good book was something he was well-rehearsed in.

However, here he was, clammy handed and flustered, as he struggled to get one person off of his mind. His stomach swarmed with butterflies, his words kept getting stuck in his throat, and he had a constant irrational panic that he looked a mess. Which I do - the newest scars on his arms still bright pink, as they taunted him mockingly. How such intense emotions had sprung on him so fast out of nowhere, Remus really didn't know, for he'd never felt the way he did before. Maybe it was the long summer away from his friends, or maybe it was the fact that there was a war going on and so it seemed like there was no time but the present. The answer wasn't clear.

But he'd fallen for one of his best friends, he was sure of it.

Ever since fourth year, when things started shifting slightly, Remus had been greatly interested in Ellie and Sirius' relationship. Though, he'd always thought it was because he cared for their well-beings and wanted to see them happy. Which he still wanted of course, but Remus hadn't ever thought maybe it was because a part of him, very deep down, was jealous.

He'd always loved Ellie Gryffin, and she'd always loved him - there was just something about the beautiful girl that captivated everyone. She felt like his other half, someone that filled in all the gaps missing in his soul. Compensating as an extrovert where he was introverted, or forcing him to be more impulsive where otherwise he probably would've just sat reading all day. And he'd always wanted her happy, her smile and her contagious laugh were two things that were extremely important in his world, just like she always endeavoured to care for him too.

Then last year, when she became and Animagus with the boys for him, he'd never felt more grateful to have her in his life. He was sure that he didn't deserve someone like her, someone so understanding and accepting of his condition, someone that never shied away from him. There hadn't been once where she'd flinched when he'd lost his temper around a full moon, and there hadn't been once that she'd never wanted to get as close to him as possible. Ellie was so special to him, she always had been, and she always would be.

The beautiful girl who adored all magical creatures took the eleven-year-old Werewolf in without realising she'd done so, and to this day, Remus was sure they got on so well because she was so good with all things that sprouted scales, feathers or fur.

He knew for a fact that she'd never do anything intentionally to hurt him, she'd never betray his trust - just her keeping his secret all these years (even after he had spilled some of hers) proved that. And so, that's why this crush couldn't have developed at a worse time.

Remus Lupin fancied Sirius Black, and he knew it would break Ellie Gryffin's heart.

All the handsome boy had done was show him the tattoo he'd gotten in his honour, and Remus had swooned. If it wasn't enough that Sirius had changed a lot over summer, he'd just had to go and do something that meant so much to him, something that showed just how much he cared.

Of course, Sirius had always been gorgeous, anyone who could see would tell you that. Dark hair that always looked perfect; completely unique grey eyes that sparkled silver when the light hit them just right; a shit-eating grin that could charm the socks off of anything; and enough confidence to sink a ship. Not one person he came across could deny it, the boy had just won the beauty lottery. Not even Lily Evans could say he was ugly, despite thinking his personality was. And it really didn't help that he'd grown to be a leather jacket wearing, cigarette smoking, rebel that didn't care about what anyone thought of him.