good things fall apart • sirius black

Forever now

The exhaustion of getting justice for Sirius bled right through to the next morning. He put that down as the reason he'd slept without a nightmare, but then, it also could've been because him and Ellie shared a bed again for the first time in too long, just them out in the Orangery.

Things had to be as perfect as they could've been in the middle of a war for him as he stirred from the best night sleep he'd had in a while. Sirius no longer had any secrets, nothing more he could harbour shame over, and the feeling was like being released from shackles. Ellie knew everything and she still loved him - how had he gotten that lucky? It was so freeing, her love that was, it could make him feel good in ways only the beautiful girl could. Even something as simple as how they'd fallen asleep holding hands made him melt like a lovesick puppy. Sirius supposed that's what he was now.

"I love you." He whispered softly, rolling onto his side to face his girlfriend as she started to stir too. There was no need for her to hear him this time, he'd tell her a thousand times and then a thousand more if he was given the opportunity.

They'd decided to sleep naked last night after a heatwave had been predicted for the coming days. Or at least that's what they'd told themselves, something to justify what otherwise felt like an unnecessary need to just be close. Nothing besides kissing had occurred since they'd climbed under the thin bedsheet in place of a duvet, and they'd fell asleep quickly last night, but now, Sirius' eyes grazed over the smooth curve of her neck with a strange sense of desire pooling in the pit of his stomach. Her skin already sun kissed from her favourite season and how pronounced her collarbones seemed; he didn't realise his lips were parted until his tongue darted out to wet them.

"I love you." He hummed again, just a rumble in his chest as he carefully reached to brush her pink hair from her face.

It wasn't a sensation he'd felt before, this thing that made his insides burn. Sirius knew what it was like to want something, but this was more than that, and he didn't seem to have much control over how quickly it took a hold of him. Last night, he'd dreamt of them stood together in the shower again, but his mind had been given permission to wander further now. Whatever it was that had stopped him from doing so before was gone, like fog cleared from his brain as he was overtaken by an endless stream of epiphanies, and the idea of more with Ellie didn't scare him any longer. There was a hesitancy still of course, but as that desire inflated his pupils and had his lips itching kiss her, he found himself far more curious than he did wary.

Sirius needed reassurance about this, that was all.   

"It's too early to be staring at me like that." Ellie mumbled once her eyes fluttered open, her annoyance obviously fake by the way the corners of her lips curled upwards.

"Would you be gentle with me?" Sirius asked her immediately, but she was hardly awake enough yet to catch on.

"Hmm?" Was all she could manage, a sleepy request for him to elaborate.

Shuffling to lie right next to her side, Sirius was well aware that a lot of their skin was touching, but he figured, getting comfortable like this was the first step. He lay with his lips practically on her cheek, one arm creeping its way across her stomach so slowly he felt her goosebumps raise.

"I want to, I wanted to yesterday, but she was in the back of my mind. She had been looming over me with all this doubt for so long, but now it's like that has cleared, clouds gone and the sun back on the horizon. I know she'll be near nonexistent once I get back to school and it's like all that doubt has left with her..." He explained before taking a deep breath for the next part, "Cubby, I love you, tell me more about sex."

Ellie rolled onto her side to face him too, but made no move to put any space between them. Sirius found his heart stuttering into a faster rhythm when he didn't feel the urge to squirm away. She kissed his lips softly.