good things fall apart • sirius black

Care

With all the tension between the Marauders, Ellie had struggled to find a time to tell Sirius about her Patronus, and now with the full moon a day away, she knew it was definitely not the time. It wasn't that she was worried for his reaction, for even after everything that had happened recently, she knew the silver wolf that now appeared beside the scruffy dog meant nothing other than her soul had changed. This wasn't a case of her love being partially Remus' now.

Though it was a case of something inherent in her having changed forever, and that was rather daunting still.

It kept her awake some nights, her mind mulling over whether she really had changed that much. Sirius said that she hadn't, he made a point of frequently reminding her that she was no different in his eyes, but the more he said it, the emptier the words felt. Ellie had always had a solid understanding of who she was, what her morals were and the goals she wanted to achieve in life, but even after the inexplainable encounter with the mirror that somehow showed her Adelaide, the beautiful girl still looked upon a stranger as her reflection.

"Get some rest, beautiful." Sirius hummed from where he lay on top of her, his nose brushing her jaw and breath fanning across her neck.

Tonight was one of those nights where she'd remained wide awake, squinting at the now faded painting of the Canis Major constellation she'd once decorated above his bed with. Her thoughts had been swirling as she'd continuously ran one hand through Sirius' hair, letting him sprawl himself over her however he liked.

"My mind won't switch off." Ellie replied, an obviously frustrated edge behind her whisper. They had to keep quiet in the name of not disturbing the other boys - anything to not anger them more.

Sirius' lips brushed against her jaw briefly.

"Do you want to go for a midnight snack?"

"Maybe just a walk?" She offered, and he was immediately wriggling to pull himself out of bed as quickly as his half-asleep state would allow.

Usually Sirius was grumpy about having his sleep disturbed, but recently she'd been unable to make him mad about anything. He compromised all of the time or just simply let her have her way; he didn't protest and he wasn't difficult. Strangely, Ellie missed bickering with him, for this accommodating version of him felt almost as unfamiliar as herself.

After slipping on shoes and hoodies to keep them warm, the pair crept out of the dorm room hand in hand, beginning their aimless wander. There was no urgency in their paces, not even an ounce of cheeky excitement about potentially being caught out of bed at whatever time it was, they simply roamed the empty corridors of the castle. It was no surprise though that their feet managed to carry them to their spot - up the many flights of stairs to the top of the Astronomy Tower, right to the railings where they sat on the floor with their legs dangling off the edge. Sides pressed together they watched the stars in silence, Ellie's head lolling onto Sirius' shoulder every now and then.

"How are you feeling about the moon tomorrow?" He asked after noticing the way she'd been staring at it for a while.

Ellie shrugged.

"I don't ache any more than I have for the last few weeks, don't feel queasy or anything either." She'd been expecting it to feel as if the world was ending, "Perhaps a little headachey, but that's it really."

Remus, on the other hand, had been as ill as he normally was before a full moon. Exhausted, quiet, and aching constantly, Ellie had felt utterly guilty whenever she'd caught sight of his greyish-green skin and pronounced dark circles. Not that she should feel guilty; he'd still not spoken to her and it had basically been a month now.