good things fall apart • sirius black

You look like me now

Sirius didn't say a word for the rest of the train journey, and Ellie just moved to sit next to him so she could hold his hand. She was beyond furious with Regulus for being so cruel, for not giving Sirius enough time to explain. This was one of the only times she couldn't see both sides of the argument, and she couldn't understand why Regulus didn't see how desperately his brother needed to get out of Grimmauld Place.

Her heart ached for the curly haired boy, it really did, but in her eyes he was wrong for storming in and shouting at Sirius. They could've sat down together and talked about how they were going to keep contact now one of them was disowned, but instead Regulus had cut all ties with one rage fuelled swoop.

The joy of getting to return to Hogwarts and be reunited with their friends had now been dampened, and when they got off of the train, they wandered as slowly as possible to the carriages. Or more, Sirius dawdled absent-mindedly, and Ellie just matched her steps with his. His pace didn't quicken at all either, not even when they were back inside the castle walls. Ellie was somewhat glad of this, for it meant they'd missed the crowds and she didn't feel any stares on her, which was something she knew was very selfish given that Sirius had just lost his brother.

Before they went wandering up the marble staircase, Ellie tugged on Sirius' arm gently to lead him down the corridor instead, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Asking no questions, he just followed willingly, letting the beautiful girl drag him to wherever she pleased. They stopped just in front of an empty picture frame, and Ellie sighed dramatically before mumbling 'starshine' - of course Godric Gryffindor wasn't in his portrait one of the rare times she actually wanted to see him. The picture frame popped off of the wall regardless, letting it swing open on invisible hinges so the pair could enter the secret short cut. When the portrait closed back behind them, Ellie flicked her wand in the air to create some light so that they could see, before going to drag Sirius onwards. But she came to an immediate halt again, when the handsome boy wouldn't move.

"I don't need him..." Sirius mumbled unconvincingly, head bowed, "I don't need any of them." He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than tell her.

Ellie sighed as she let go of his hand, bringing it up to cup his cheek instead. She moved her wand so that the light was closer to their faces, making sure his gaze met hers, and she rubbed soothing circles on his cheek.

"You don't need any one them." She confirmed gently, "But you're allowed to be upset Padfoot. Reg- he shouldn't have said what he did, it was cruel, and uncalled for in that way. You're allowed to feel upset about it, angry about it, relieved, frustrated. Whatever it is that's going on in that complicated mind of yours is all okay. In fact, it's healthy to feel emotions."

"I don't like emotions, they make me uncomfortable." Sirius' reply was solemn, but Ellie couldn't help but crack a smile at his words, "Don't laugh at me! I'm a fragile being Cubs. Despite what it may seem, my disposition is an unstable one and I have to have comfortable surroundings to keep me balanced."

"You poor puppy." Ellie pouted dramatically, running her hand through his hair, and Sirius' eyes dropped to her lips.

She was standing so close and it was so dark, the light from the end of her wand only just illuminating her features. Despite her teasing him, all Sirius wanted was the comfort her touch provided, and he leant his head further into her hand. The vulnerable state he'd been left in after what Regulus had said was something he didn't like, but this type of vulnerable state, being this open with Ellie, was never uneasy. She made everything feel so peaceful, even when their storm was raging.

"Do you still want me to kiss you?" Sirius whispered, a smirk tugging at his lips as all thoughts of Regulus melted away, "'Cause fuck I will now."