Alive//H.S

Wait

Send your dreams where nobody hides
Give your tears to the tide
No time
No time
There's no end, there is no goodbye
Disappear with the night

trigger warning ⚠️

this chapter is so bipolar-in a good way-and it's also very long so 😌

please stay safe, and talk about how you feel. this is a safe place for you baby, don't be afraid.

Lila Rose

"What's wrong?" Harry asks the second we get into his bedroom, me starting to strip down for bed and I sigh tiredly.

I don't really even know what's wrong, I'm just exhausted for some reason tonight, and god knows what that means. I hate how much it depresses my mood every time the nightmare signs come, and I hate how Harry notices it too.

I hate how much this affects us, and how we go to bed every night and I can't just think about him, I have to think about the probability of having a nightmare, and if he would get into my mind again.

"Don't want a nightmare," I mumble, and I see his chest rise and fall slowly from across the room, walking towards me slowly, and I stare into his now bare chest, wanting to burrow into his warmth, missing it all day.

Harry has the most beautiful family. I swear I've never been around a family that's as close as his, almost even as close as I was to my dad and Stevie growing up. His mom-Anne-is the sweetest most mature woman I've ever met, and she talks in such a soft sweet voice, so calming. Gemma and Harry look alike in so many ways, except for Gemma's bright blonde hair. But even then, they have matching eyes and gorgeous dimples.

It wasn't as bad meeting them as I thought, and once we got to talking I felt myself getting more comfortable being a part of the conversation than before, where I would coward away and stay quiet. But, now as I stand in front of Harry, cold in just my underwear and tank top, I can tell that being around new people like this and everything that happened the other day was so much on my shoulders.

"My lavender, it's okay. If you do, we'll do it like we do every time. We'll take a shower and we'll cuddle and stay in bed until later in the day, okay?" I bear him whisper and I nod, falling forward into his chest and he hold my head against him with one hand, the other one working on rubbing my back.

I let him pull me under the covers, holding me close and I let him slowly lul me to sleep, pushing my hair away from my face and I hear him start to hum a small song into my neck, pulling me deeper and deeper into sleep.

____________________________________

"Ian...drop the gun-please," I beg, my knees bloodied and my hair matted with sweat as he shoved the barrel against my neck, and I close my eyes, my heart hammering and my throat closing up.

"Don't you dare fucking talk," he snips, using his foot to push me down to the ground, my face hitting the hard wooden floors and I can feel his gun still on my neck as he breathes into my ear.

"You think your little boyfriends gonna keep you safe?" He smirks, and I sob.

"Harrys just using you for your stupid fucking body, and that disgusting voice of yours," he says into my ear, biting into it and I hear his hand shift on the gun, and the sound in my ear is muffled by the pain in my neck.

"Lila!"

I shoot up out of bed, not missing a beat before I'm sprinting into the bathroom, falling on my knees and anything I had eaten yesterday comes back up.

This one was different, this one felt real. It felt so so real. It wasn't the same as the others. I can't do this anymore. I can't let him get to me anymore. I have to end this. I have to end it all, I can't do it anymore. I have to see my dad.