Alive//H.S

Moments

before you read this chapter-brynn (who plays Lila) was 17 when i started to write this, but is now 18 as i write this. i never ever meant any harm in using her as a character image and if you guys would like i could change who it is. im sorry i really tried to find someone that fit right. the new photo is of her at the age of 18. please forgive me i swear i mixed up the birthdays and im so so so sorry.

TWO

Lila Rose

It's the day of our last show.

It seemed surreal, standing in the shower, my eyes fixated on the wall, and my hair was dripping down my back as I scrubbed at my face, trying to get the extra makeup off with the tips of my fingers, the hotel wash doing a hard job on my skin.

It's been so quiet without him, without his usual humming and his longing sighs, and it's so cold without him here, I just hate it. Knowing he was just across the hall, alone just as I was, hurt more than me myself being alone. He lit up the room every time he walked in, with his smile and his fluffy curls, and I feel the emotions crowd in my nose as I claw my hands through my hair, it tangled in my fingers. I let out a cry, hating this so much. I leave in less than ten hours, leaving him behind, leaving everything behind and I just can't handle seeing him for the last time today. I don't want to leave him.

But he doesn't love me anymore, so I have to leave.

My grandmother and grandfather reached out the other day, and as much as I hated that they hadn't ever done that before, it gave me an excuse to get away from the idea of Harry, and the constant repeat of the things he had said.

you're putting things in your head

I don't love you anymore Lila, why can't I tell you how I feel?

I don't love you anymore Lila

I don't love you anymore

I slam my forehead against the wall of the shower, tears falling from my eyes and I feel my breaths start to restrict as I think of how he looked, how swollen his eyes were and the way he spat at me, the words on the tip of his tongue the whole time before everything went black and he just said it. He just said that he didn't want me anymore. My hands stung from how hard I was scrubbing my skin as I clung to the towel wrapped around me, feeling the remnants of the water in my hair dripping down onto the hotel floor.

It's so cold, so so cold.

I sit on the bed after pulling on some sweats and a bra, staring at the small oval mirror I had, my hand rising up to the broken skin on my lips, blisters around them showing how hard I had been biting and tearing them the last few days. My brush was gripped tightly in my hands as I drag it through my wet hair, pulling at the nots and I sigh at the pain, a feeling I shoudnt love as much as I do. Mitch walked me home last night from a bar Yasmine, Mia, him, and I went to last night, and we just talked, telling each other everything on our minds and if im going to be honest, i think I'm going to miss Mitch the most. He's been there for me this whole time and he's let me cry on his shoulder when I needed him. He's been my rock.

I stand once I've successfully dried my hair, a familiar knock on the door, and I open it to reveal Mitch and Yasmine, frowning at the wild grins they have on their faces, almost like they have something planned. "What's with the clown grin?" I mumble, them walking in and throwing their clutter down on my just made bed, me rolling my lips together.

"As much as I love you, tulip, we're done wallowing in your room for hours. It's payback time, bitches!" I give him a confused frown, Yasmine clapping her hands together, plugging in a hair waver, and I squeal when I'm pulled to sit at the end of the bed, Mitch talking. "We've decided to get you all dolled up, tulip...it's gonna make you feel so much better, I promise. Plus, Harry will see how fucking hot you are and regret ever having second thoughts," Mitch says and I go to argue, not wanting to make what Harry and I are going through even worse but Mitch presses his finger to my mouth forcefully, my eyes widening.