How do you stop feeling numb?
After the tragic death of her famous father, Lila Sinclair must face two different obstacles:
An abusive Ex boyfriend that broke what was left of her heart
And a curly headed singer, who is keen on making Lila feel Ali...
They took you away on a table I pace back and forth as you lay still They pull you in to feel your heartbeat Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"
I would like to say I'm sorry in advanced for the utter ✨heartache✨
THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE! READ FEELING WHITNEY BEFOREHAND Harry
Lila was off in that horrible wonderland inside of her head again, and I couldn't help but watch her try and make sense of the reality she was living.
I knew that this tour was going to take more than just a toll on her self image and how she acts, it does for me too, but I don't want to know what could happen if she gets worse. I looked over to Mitch to see that he had noticed her dazed state just as I had, his eyes wide as she stood up, saying something I couldn't exactly make out before she was passing me, and running towards the bathroom as I watched worriedly.
"Is she okay?" Mitch asked, and I cringed at the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut behind her. I look over at him, seeing his face in this state of worry that I could see was more than what he was putting out.
"I- Did I say something?" I ask as I stand up, walking towards him and glancing at the clock, seeing it had been a while since she had arrived already, Mitch standing up next to me and I almost fall over at the sound of a sob coming from the bathroom, me running to the door so quickly that I hear the stool I was sitting on fall behind me and crash onto the floor.
"Harry just let her be-" Mitch says but I'm already halfway to the door at that point.
"Lila?" I call out and all I hear is sniffles before I hear her shaky voice speak.
"I'll be out in a minute!" She calls out and I hear muffled sniffles and ragged deep breaths through the door. Mitch comes up next to me as I try and listen and possibly how I could help. I don't know what I did. I'm trying to rack my mind for words that I could have said to make her feel this way, but I can't remember exactly what I had said.
"Lila, Let me in," I say in my softest voice, silence on the other side as I hear the water faucet turn on, those same sniffles still coming from the other side of the door. Mitch arrives next to me as I hear the door unlock, it slowly opening.
I felt my heart hit the floor as she opens it with the most masked smile I have ever seen on her, something I would pay money to never have to see such a sad face again. God, this isn't okay with me. It's not okay that she feels like she needs to hide her feelings and her worry away from me. We were about to embark on a year-long journey together that will involve new challenges and new obstacles together. We cant be so distant. She cant be so distant.
"Hey, can you go get her a glass of water, well be out in a second," I say to Mitch, and I hear him hum out a sigh as I step towards Lila, letting every single boundary I had made for myself fall onto the tile floor. I grab her hand, ignoring the wide eyes she had sent me before I pull her into my chest, hearing the intake of breath that let me know that what I was doing was stupid. Her shoulders are stiff in my arms, and I sigh into her hair.
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"You don't have to put on a mask in front of me," I say against her ear, and for the first time since I met her, I see how everything is affecting her. I see the bags under her eyes and I see the tears brimming in them. I feel her melt against my chest, burrowing her head against me, and for the first time, she relaxes.
I just let her cry. I let her use me as a distraction and I let her use me as a shoulder that she could cry on at any second she needs to. I'm here for her, and I just wish she knew that. I wish she knew that I wasn't just going to ignore her and the ways she reacts to things throughout this whole tour. We've already been together for the last three weeks and I feel as if this has already taken an emotional strain on her. Tomorrow was the last day that the crew and I had to prepare before the album gets released. I must admit, that I would like for her to be there, but I know that would be a lot on her after day like today. I just have to make sure I keep an eye on her especially during the party. I just don't know if she can take that much.
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"It's okay, Ive got you," I whisper as I hear those sniffles again, running my hand up and down her back as she silently cried into my chest. This isn't obviously what I wanted, I never want to see her cry, but I have to admit how good this feels that she knows that she can trust me now. She doesn't have to hold anything back from me anymore.
"I'm sorry," She says as her shoulders shake, me pulling away to see her broken face, taking it in my hands as I duck my head down to catch her eyes, shaking my head as I stroke my thumbs over her wet cheeks, wiping away her tears.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Lila," I say as she looks down at the floor, letting her eyes drop down to where our hands were combined now.
"You don't have to tell me what's wrong...but I just want you to know that you can," I say softly and I see her wince a bit, stepping fully away from me when Mitch walks in with her glass of water, handing it to her as he gives her a sympathetic frown, kissing her cheek and making her smile.
This was quite awkward if I could admit that. Obviously, we had all heard Lila crying, but the only reason it was awkward was because of how I had passed that invisible boundary line with her that made us all on edge yet again. I don't want to be on edge with Lila, and I know that Mitch wouldn't want that either.
"I should probably go...," She mumbles as she looks up at the clock, seeing that the time had gone by quick, and I can see in those eyes of hers that he was nervous. I made eyes at mitch, him telling her that he would go get her bag for her, her trying to argue and saying that he could get it, but Mitch insisted, giving me a minute with her alone.
"Call me when things like that happen. I don't care what time it is or where you are..just call me when you need to. Promise me," I say as I bring her in again for another reassuring hug, feeling her melt against me again. She closes her eyes as she breaths slowly, my heart skipping a beat as I watch her burrow her head into my chest as she nods.
I don't want her to leave. I don't want her to stay by herself when things like this happen, but Ive already passed one boundary I knew that I shouldn't have crossed today, and I don't want to be the reasons for the scares and panic attacks or whatever you want to call it. I squeeze my arms tight around her one more time before letting her step back, looking up at me with the calmest eyes I've ever seen on her.
