Alive//H.S

Bad liar

Tryna make it disappear
But just like the battle of Troy
There's nothing subtle here ah

Lila Rose

I had managed to fall asleep again, only to be awakened again by another horrid nightmare, this one being too much for me to handle and I ended up calling Clara. Clara helped me calm down, and even made me eat something small, some carbs to make me happy again I guess.

Now, I'm getting ready to go to the studio, my eyes still this bright red and the bags under them custom black as I apply a think layer of a dark red lip to my lips, hoping it would distract from my eyes. I pull on a pair of white pants and a black bralette that peeks out the top of my black bodysuit, leaving a sexy edge on an otherwise normal outfit.

After the fucking night I've had I feel like I want to be able to stand out a bit and make myself feel good for the first time since I met Ian. God, I can't get him out of my mind, those gross hazel eyes and that warm clammy breath.

"Damn, Lila...you look hot," Clara says as she watched me curl my hair, me shrugging.

"I look okay I guess," I mumble, not liking the way my stomach looked or my breast or thighs in this outfit.

"You look amazing, Li," she says again as she grabs her keys from beside me, kissing my cheeks and reassuring me for the hundredth time that I was going to be okay. But it didn't feel like I was going to be okay.

"I love you, text me or call me if you need anything, okay? You're going to have a great day with Harry, Lila," Clara smiles, rubbing my back as I look up at her.

"Love you too," I say quietly, my voice raw from all the crying. She leaves just as I'm getting ready to get in my car, packing my bag and making my way out to Pearl.

I'm even more nervous today than I was the first day we went to the studio, and I just want this to all go well. I have to show Harry and Mitch the songs I've written today, and I just hope they don't think I'm talentless because I'm not very good at writing songs. I drive through Starbucks drive-through, getting myself a black coffee before making my way to the studio. I get out of my car, putting my backpack on my shoulders, and drinking some of my iced coffee before opening the door.

"Hello, Lila," Ronnie and Laura smile as I walk into the baby blue themed studio lobby. I wave at them, saying a quiet hello, ignoring the sad look Laura sent me at my dark red eyes, opening the door.

"Hey," Harry smiles the second I step in, him and Mitch sat at the studio chairs as I set my bag by the door, getting out my notebook, and walking over to where they sat. Harry gave me the same look that Laura did, those marbled eyes of his scanning mine as he rolled his lips into his mouth, frowning at me as I sat beside him and Mitch.

"Love the lip, Tulip. Where's it from?" Mitch asked, sitting forward to look at my lipstick as I smiled at him.

"Uh, I think it's Anastasia...I don't really know," I mumbled through a smile, him humming.

"I love their formula," he nods and Harry looks up from his phone.

"I brought my journal," I say quietly, setting it on the top of the piano, Harry looking at it before looking at me again, still frowning. I stand up, feeling uncomfortable with him being able to see my horrid night in my eyes as I sit down at the piano bench, feeling his eyes still on me.

"Just play us something, I'm sure it'll be great," Mitch said, readjusting the guitar in his lap as they both watched me. I open my journal, choosing a random song that I've been working on for a while called IDK you yet. I wrote it when I was at Stevie's, wondering if I'd ever meet someone that would be able to care for me again.

I start the intro, sighing at the comforting sound of the piano that soothes my raging heartbeat in my chest, feeling all of my worries slump away at the simple sound of the symphony of chords. I love this sound, a sound that can cure any souls that are broken and any heart that's mourning.

How can you miss someone you've never met?
Cause I need you now but I don't know you yet
Can you find me soon because I'm in my head? 
Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet

God, I love this feeling. The feeling of absolute freedom and weight being lifted off my shoulders as I close my eyes, soaking in the music. I wrote this when I really needed someone, and I still do need someone. I was stuck and still am.

Cause lately it's been hard
They're selling me for parts
And I don't want to be modern art
But I've only got half a heart to give to you

How can you miss someone you've never seen?
Oh, tell me are your eyes brown blue or green?

I look up at Harry as I sing the lyrics, finding him watching me closely, his lips spread and his eyes soft as he stared down at me. His eyes are so green they look like fresh spring grass, jade marbled orbs of color that make my heartthrob. I definitely thought of him when I wrote that.

do you like it with sugar and cream? Or do you drink it straight oh just like me?

Yeah, lately it's been hard
They're selling me for parts
I don't wanna be modern art

But I've only got half a heart to give to you
And I hope it's enough

I end off the piano part, putting my hands in my lap as I looked away from Harry, staring down at my lap as they stayed silent, the only noise heard was my heart beating quickly.

"That was amazing," Harry said softly, Mitch just staring at me as he nodded along with Harry's words, Harry's eyes never leaving mine.

"Thank you," I whispered, shifting in my seat.

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