Alive//H.S

Scared

Ohh I'm scared to fall in love again
Tried to give you everything

HEY BITCHESSSS AHAHAHHA

Lila Rose

Its been almost two weeks since the funeral, and I haven't left Stevie's house once.

I mean, Clara has convinced me to go to my apartment and get more clothes for me than just hoodie and sweats, but besides that, I haven't really left at all. Stevie has tried her best to get me to eat, but it just isn't worth it anymore. I can't keep it down anyway.

I've always had trouble sleeping as a kid, suffering from sleepless nights, them more and more often as Ian's thoughts burned through me. Now it's gotten worse, meaning I go days at a time without any actual sleep, just closing my eyes and wishing it would all go away. Nightmare nights are the worst. I just have to relive the pain and the heartache and the weakened power I had to live not so long ago. I've been writing more than often now, which is good, but most o the songs aren't worthy to be recorded or anything.

I was sitting on the couch, the movie I was watching playing as I paid no attention to it, humming a tune with my eyes closed, them opening when Stevie entered from the front door, sending me a smile as she slid off her shoes.

"How you doing baby?" Stevie asked, kissing my forehead as she slid under the blanket next to me, sighing as she pulled me towards her, my eyes closing again. Taking wasn't something I really do anymore, my voice not use to speaking anymore as Im always alone now.

"I have to talk to you about something," She sighed, my eyes opening with worry flowing through my veins. She had her mom's voice on. That can't be good. I sat up a little, running my hands through my wet hair, after just getting out of the shower.

I still scrub at his hands sometimes. I just can't help but just try and get rid of the permanent memory of him that engraved in both my mind and my skin. I have seen him since that night months ago, but with investigators trying their best to track him down, I'm still worried. I look everywhere for his disgusting brown eyes, hoping to God he wasn't looking for me.

"Do you remember Harry Styles? You spent a summer in London with them when you were 15?" She said, looking up at the ceiling as she ran her fingers through my hair, my eyes widening. I knew I had seen those green eyes somewhere.

I had spent that summer with the boys, getting to know them as well as I could as my dad worked with them. I got to know Harry the best, but most of that came from the fact that I thought he was the hottest guy I had ever seen and was cheeky as ever too. He was very sweet and made people feel immediately comfortable around him from his personality. I nodded, waiting for Stevie to continue.

"I went to lunch with him today and we were talking about something coming up for him soon and he gave me a really good idea," She said, continuing.

"You see, Harry is releasing an album in about two weeks, and he will be leaving for the tour once the new year comes. He brought up that you should be doing some music and he also.." she stopped, sighing sadly as I gave her a glance, sitting up fully with my eyes wide.

"He wants you to go on tour with him, Lila," I let out a breath, immediately starting to panic. Tour? With Harry? What the fuck is going on here. I barely even know this guy, especially after not seeing him for like five years.

"No," I immediately whispered, going to get up as panic took over all of my senses. I can't even go to the fucking grocery store by myself, especially not be alone with people I barely know. Stevie sighed, getting up and following me as I walked into the kitchen, pressing my hands flat against the island as she sat down next to me.

"This will be good for you Tulip. Of course, you would be able to go into the studio a few times beforehand with harry and his team and figure things out, but this is what Harry and I both think you need right now," She said softly as I felt my heart start to hammer. I don't know if I can do this.

"You don't have to decide right now, babe. I've invited Clara, Gavin, and Harry for dinner later. This will be good of you, my Tulip," She tried to argue as I put my head in my hands.

"I can't do that, I c-cant," I breathed, Stevie's hands wrapping around me as I tried to keep myself calm, mind running with possibilities of horrible circumstances that would surely come when I meet Harry again. he's not going to like me. Im too quiet and too sad and too just fucking pathetic for anyone. That's why I just stay in my comfort zone, not leaving.

"Yes, you can. This will all be okay,"

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HEY GUYS!

hope yall like this XD

okay bye babies

sunny mae