Alive//H.S

Before You Go

Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all
Our every moment, I start to replay
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face

Lila Rose

I had gotten some sleep last night, the sound of Harry's words letting me do so before I made my way over to Stevie's for the day, filling her in on all that has happened as we waited for Clara to get done with her shift at the furniture designing brand she worked for. Clara works so hard to make sure she and her company are keeping up with the modern trends and fashions, she really is a great inspiration to girls who want to go into fashion like her.

"You and Harry seem really close already," Stevie smiles as she folds the clothes I had placed on my bed, me shrugging, my cheeks growing red as she talked.

"He's something else that guy," I agreed and she laughed, me raising an eyebrow at her as she did so.

"Your dad said the same thing about him once...even said he thought you two look great together," she smiled and I shook my head at her words. I could see myself with Harry, but I would never do that to someone as amazing as him. I would just become a burden on his life, and become an issue like I already have. He doesn't want me like that.

"As I've said before, Stevie, Harry doesn't want me. Harry can get any girl in the world, he would never pick me out of all people," I mumble and shrug, Stevie scoffing.

"He didn't choose just any girl to become a part of a new journey for him. He chose you, Lila." She says and she walks over to the door to open it for Clara, her placing her bag on the table before coming over and taking me in a close hug, kissing my cheek as we exchanged hellos.

"I don't want to leave you guys all alone here," I mumble as I finally zip up my suitcase, Stevie sighing as she nods, Clara's eyes going watery as she watched me and I frown at her, taking he rin a hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Lila. Your dad would be so proud of you," She says and I squeeze her even tighter, not wanting to let go.

Clara and Stevie have been the only home I've known since I lost my dad, and I can't imagine them not being there for me through all of this. I don't want to leave them, but I know that I can't force them into taking a toll on their lives to just up and leave with me, and that would be unfair to Harry too. Clara and I haven't been apart since we were kids, and this would be the first time where I knew I couldn't just run to my safety with her when I need to. I have to put my big girl pants on and face my new journey all by myself. Well, I guess I have Harry now too.

"Harry told me all about your guys night last night..told me you're beginning to trust him," Stevie says as I curl into her side on the couch that we had been working on my suitcase at, Clara across from us, her knees to her chest as she smiled at the sound of me trusting Harry.

"How could I not? Hes a saint that boy," I say and Stevie laughs, nodding.

"Harry knows, Lila. He may not know about Ian, but he knows that you need him there for you right now...he even made a promise to make sure you stay safe for me," She says and I feel my heartburn in my chest.

"He's already done so much for me," I say with a sigh as I think of all of the possible ways I could possibly repay him. I know I could never amount to anything as great as Harry, but also know that I just can't let his actions go unphased by me. I need to be even more grateful than I already am for all that hes done...I just don't know how I can repay him.

"I'm sure he knows that you are very grateful, Lila," Stevie reassured and Clara thankfully changes the subject, me huffing out a breath at the relief of not having to think about that anymore.

"Do you know what you guys will be wearing for the shows?" Clara asked as she takes a sip of the champagne she and Stevie had been sipping on the whole time.

"We had that one meeting with the girls, Tae and Eva, but I had only tried on a few dresses and they matched me my makeup and all...I dunno what the order is or anything. The outfits seem very extravagant," I mumble and Clara laughs

"Gavin and I were gonna ask if we could have some tickets to the first show, we wanted to make sure you could get us some before you left," She says and I nod, texting Kortney my manager, and asking her to please send Clara two tickets.

"I hope Harry knows that he isn't going to get me to go out with the band every night. My social battery needs time to charge," I grumble and Stevie laughs.

"I'm sure he know, babe," She sighs and I smile up at her, cuddling further into her side as the time for me became closer and closer, me knowing that I would have to say goodbye to Stevie since she needs to be here for her work in the studio, and I have no idea what I'm going to do without her there for me. I'm scared. And I know that Harry knows that. I'm scared of what's going to happen when I let my urges take over my whole body and mind. I'm scared he'll find me. I'm so fucking terrified that Ian will somehow find me that it's on my mind every second of every day.

"I don't want to leave you," I say as I stand by the front door of her place, hearing her let out a sigh as I shakily breathe in her scent for the last time in a really long time. I let her hug me for what felt like forever, trying my best to stay strong in front of the only mother figure I've ever had, but I had to leave.

I had to leave Stevie and Clara and I had no idea what I was going to do without them.