Alive//H.S

Walking On A Dream

Walking on a dream
How can I explain?
Talking to myself
Will I see again?

Lila Rose

Oh, fuck me why did I do that?

WHAT WAS GOING ON THAT I THOUGHT THAT WAS ACCEPTABLE?

I'm gonna throw up.

I stood with my back pressed against the hotel door, the girls busy by their beds as they get ready for bed, us having to get up really early to start on the road.

I kissed his cheek. I don't know whether to accept it and move on or to go over and apologize. I sit down at the end of my bed and peel off my shoes, putting them in my suitcase and grabbing some sweats and a tee-shirt, so happy to be out of that uncomfortable outfit. I still can't believe how much fun tonight was, and how happy it made me for the first time in a while. I feel almost numbed with happiness and it's almost overwhelming how much that single show has already changed the way I look at things. I had managed to fall asleep around 1, too exhausted to try and fight it.

But, to my horror, I woke up at three and wasn't able to get back to sleep. I tried everything, trying to get comfortable in bed and even tried reading for a while, so I just gave up and spent the rest of the night reading my new book Cinder.

Cinder had to be one of my favorite storylines so far, and that's saying a lot. Not only is Cinder battling the untruthfulness of her past, but also her struggles in the present with falling in love with a prince who must become king, and a pandemic that has her at her wit's end. I like the characters and how much the story reminds me of cinderella almost, but also not at the same time. I guess that was their goal.

The girls had slowly started to wake up for breakfast when all of our alarms went off around five. It was early, but in order to make it to the airport a couple of cities over, we had to get going early. I took a fast shower, washing the rest of the sweat out of my hair and I didn't bother to put on any more makeup than just some mascara and cream blush. I followed Annika downstairs as the others got ready, us walking down the hallway slowly.

"What do you think about Harry?" she asks and I look at her oddly, my stomach erupting in butterflies at the simple sound of his name.

"What about him?" I ask as we get into the elevator and she gives me a knowing look. I roll my eyes and she laughs.

"You're keen for him, Lila. I think he's keen for you too," She smiles and I shush her when we get out of the elevator, moving down the lobby and I see Harry. His hair was tied on the top with a little clip and he wore a hoodie and sweats, his hands working quickly on his phone as Mitch sat and ate next to him. I grab an apple and a big cup of coffee, Annika already sat down by Mitch and Harry so I make my way back over there.

"Hi," I smile as I sit down and Harry smiles down at me.

"Hi," He says back and I bring my knee to my chest, slowly sipping my coffee as they continued the conversation they were having and I feel Harry's foot tap mine under the table and I look up at him, seeing his kind eyes that have me melting at his feet.

"You sleep okay?" He asks quietly as the others keep talking. I shrug and he frowns, playing with one of his rings on his fingers as I stir my coffee, it wakes me up enough to actually speak.

"I woke up a few times," I shrugged and he frowned again, taking a sip of his coffee and watching me closely. I coward away under his eyes and I move my coffee to the table, trying to ignore his deep green eyes that I can't help but get lost in every time he looks at me. Hes so irresistible I can't handle it. I know I said I would be careful, and that I would hold back and not let my feelings get in the way, but I can't help but look at him with soft eyes and practically want to burrow into his arms. Ive never felt this before, comfort so quickly around someone else. He makes me feel warm, and he makes me feel important here.

"Maybe you can sleep on the bus for a little?" He says, his foot tapping mine again to pull me back and away from my feelings gathering in my chest.

"Maybe," I say softly and he smiles, looking towards the door when the bus pulled up. I grabbed my bag, holding that in one hand, and pulled my backpack on my back. I set my bags in the little storage area at the side of the bus and walked inside, Mitch following behind me. Eight hours away was Nashville, meaning we would probably be on the road most of today and maybe tonight. I sat on the couch, telling Clara on the phone all about our first show, looking up when Harry enters the bus, his backpack on his back, and his hair unclipped from before.

We start moving slowly before we get to the interstate and I just look outside, my headphones over my ears as I watch the world around me move. Today was a bit sunnier, so the sky was this beautiful big blue. I looked up when Harry walked forward, sliding into the seat next to me, and copying my actions. I smile up to him when he looks down at me, my head moving to rest on his shoulder, and I push my usual anxiety away, leaning into him and he wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer to him and my breath shakes as I let him rub my back.

I feel at home with him, and I don't know why. I feel like I'm already his like Ive been his since that summer so long ago. I missed him so much.