fifty

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Naomi Black

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Naomi Black

I still remember the first time I had a proper Thanksgiving dinner. It was the second holiday I had to spend without mom. It was tough though because I knew mom and I never had to celebrate because we couldn't afford anything other than the mashed potatoes. I was jealous though. Everyone at my new school had to go around in a circle to tell everyone what they were thankful for.

"I'm thankful that I get to spend this holiday with my grandparents." I remember saying.

"You're dad is a millionaire, you should be thankful for the yachts he owns." I remember hearing as the kids laughed.

But I couldn't defend myself.

I remember after I arrived at my grandparents house I walked into the house and the door shut right behind me. Ben's tires screeched as if he couldn't drop me off at his parent's house fast enough after his daughter just lost her mother.

I remember crying and not being able to sleep in the proper bed that I was given because it wasn't a bed that was infested with bedbugs and that it didn't smell like cigarette smoke.

More importantly it wasn't my barbie bed.

I remember my grandparents always coming in throughout the nights to check on me to make sure I wasn't crying in my sleep like I had been the night before. I couldn't help it though, I was exhausted.

I would stay up all night—underneath the moonlight and be with mommy.

I couldn't do that during the day because mommy wasn't available to talk then. I remember sobbing as they made me take handfuls of melatonin to knock me out after 10:30.

Being without my mom in the first few months to the first few years was rough to say the least.

I didn't have a partner for the father daughter dance and now I didn't have one for the mother's day dance either. And then there was the day that I found out who my dad was and what he did.

I remember being in sixth grade and the mean kids in school pulled up old video footage of my daddy taking me out of my mom's funeral—the paparazzi eating that shit up. Or whenever my dad was going off the deep-end back in the late 90's.

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